why i love my boy...

Yes, my boy is a teetotaler.  And no, he's not a huge reader.  And sometimes, well, he wears knee-high socks non-ironically.  And sure, he's kinda quiet around other people.  And of course, there's his tendency to work too late and watch stupid sci-fi shows like Flash Gordan... but man, I gotta say that email conversations like these remind me of why I have made him my ball and chain...

me:

hi you!

so i got some of those headphones...i kept getting outbid by people, so i went ahead and did a buy-it-now of a higher quality of the same kind (has volume knobs on the earphones--so 1970s!)... it was closer to $40.00 than $20.00 and you can totally hate me, I get it... but i still haven't had any beer!!! and i'm going to dinner with sarah friday and i promise i won't drink. i'm watching the change and know you're an anxious cat but i just got 2 cheaper things out of my system (headphones and loafers) so now everything else is on the wait list, k? mwa mwa mwa mwa mwa mwa mwa mwa mwa!!!!

i promise i'm reformed, i know you don't believe, but don't stop believin'!!!!

the boy:

I hate you.

(message immediately after)

I'm not a cat, you are. LOVE.

me:

(referring to first message)

dude that made my heart stop. seriously, not okay. even when joking... not in print at least.

the boy:

Your next reform hearing is schedule for later this month.

I got your shoes today. It's ok you got the headphones because I'm sending back your shoes.
Seriously, I LOVE YOU.

me:

no, don't send the shoes back!!!! why are you mean?!

the boy:

Because I care. I won't send them back.

me:

You are in a funny mood.  Who are you?
PS It's going to be hard not drinking... seriously, everything is based around beer!

the boy:

I think it's because you're based around beer. You're now 63% beer... seriously. I will help you through this difficult time with disapproving looks that will ignite your gilt.

me:

gilt--is that like a hilt for a sword but for gay people? 

you're right, you'd think being 63% beer i'd be more drunk now, but nope, i'm not...

the boy:

So I'm missing a letter. I'm drunk from the fumes of your breath. Yea, that's what I said.

me:

haha... i'm blogging this conversation cause you're so friggin' funny!  also, you might need to reglue some of the white vinyl on my vintage headphones... you know, cause you're handy and all... even if you can't spell.

the end

Seriously--the boy is WAY funnier than me.  My "gilt" joke is not only lame but perhaps even slightly so nonsensical an association of words it's offensive.  It's not my fault though!  I'm currently compiling anti-gay/HIV hate quotes from the 1980s for work and gay was just on the membrane. 

Also, I'm 63% beer.