Sunday, October 29, 2006

Farmer Zombie Joe at the Annual Hoe-Down

Whew, I'm tired. And, I admit, a slight bit hungover this morning. Last night I celebrated Halloween with some friends across the river and had a little too much fun. I was a zombie this year and actually pretty happy with how the costume turned out (the pics are on a friend's camera, but I'll try to post them soon)... The past couple of years I've had some pretty elaborate and good costumes--I'm sure my friends out there will remember Ghostbuster Stantz with working proton pack (shot silly string instead of proton ray) and Tammy Faye Baker, Lee Press On nails and eyelashes galore...

This year we had a public event at work and I just couldn't come up with a costume idea. All my Halloween chutzpah was gone. I was seriously stressing over it as I'm aught to do. I finally settled on a zombie and in fact, this was probably the first time I've ever been an actual "scary" character... well, Tammy Faye was a frightening figure ablaze in fuschia horror, but you know what I mean. Anyhow, Zombie Farmer turned out to be a lot of fun. Creative use of green eyeshadow and copious amounts of white face paint and I was ready to rock and roll on the cheap.

The party I went to was a lot of fun. I only a knew a couple of the people from my old job at NARA, so at first the party was small talk ("where do you work/live/etc"), but after I became the virgin sacrifice to the Karaoke gods ("we belong to the night, we belong to the thunder, we belong...") everyone threw aside the niceties and began the karaoke battle. I ended up staying until 2:30 and probably sang during most of the songs. I really really really like karaoke. I mean, really really like it. Like, wish-I-had-my-own-machine-so-when-I-was-bored-at-home-I-could-throw-Karaoke parties-by-myself really like it.

I don't have too much snark to share, sadly... I know I promised more, but not much has happened to me lately* and I'm in just a generally good mood. I know, shocker. The party was a run-of-the-mill party, some fun costumes, boozing, so no need to recount:
and then I said to Joe the "don't ask don't tell" sailor, "blah" and he said, "blah" and then one of the Princess Leia's brought me a drink and said, "blah"... Riveting huh?

Actually, there was this one girl who kinda weirded me out. She took the karaoke a little too seriously. She was totally the kind of girl who when she saw on the invite there would be karaoke, got all excited and thought, "oh, a chance to show off my voice!" She kept "real singing" and moving the mike to and fro based on her voice volume. She had a major "serious face" problem and at one point, during a moving group sing of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" attempted to conduct us. Seriously, she was keeping the beat for us! Moving her serious little hands up and down to keep time for us less professional singers. For karaoke!!!! WTF? The girl probably took some voice lessons and sang in a college choir group and has it in her head that she can actually "sing." Dude, I took voice lessons and was in choir, but it's karaoke!!!! KARAOKE!!! In a person's house! At a halloween party!!! While people are dressed up as Princess Leia and Zombies!!! And the kicker? She wasn't even in a costume... Hmmm, maybe that was her costume! Professional Karaoke Singer, like in that bad Gwenyth Paltrow movie where Huey Lewis is her Dad and which spawned that awful song that was on the radio for forever (Groovin' Together or whatever)... Now I get it! Hahahaha!

Best. Costume. Ever.



*This didn't really "happen" to me, which is good as you'll see, but I was on the northbound train at the Bethesda Metro when this awful tragedy occured. We heard this scream and then my train shut off for about 10 minutes before finally going forward. All the lights were off so I couldn't really tell what was happening, but there were all these noises and people freaking out. So creepy. And very upsetting that it seems more people in DC were concerned with their commutes than the fact that a woman died. Typical DC attitude. I keep forgetting that the guy sitting next to me on the train is responsible for making the world go round all by himself. Silly me.

Read More...

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Blah

By the way, I hate writing update post like the one below... but I haven't spoken to the out-of-towners in a while and it's one of the few ways I have to keep up with people. I promise that my next entries will be much more topical and way less diary.

I can't believe I'm apologizing for a blog entry. God, I'm neurotic...

Read More...

My Summer Vacation: Razorbacks, Bougie Cars, and Balls Galore

Marty Moose: Sorry, folks! We're closed for two weeks to clean and repair America's favorite family fun park. Sorry, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!

Well, my summer vacation was nowhere as eventful as the Griswold Family's, but hell, I'm just happy I finally got to take some time off! Even if it was October before it happened...

Anyhow, that's why I haven't been posting; I was in a third world country otherwise known as "Arkansaw". Actually, I'm from the Land of Wal-Mart and Tyson's Chicken, so in fact, my "hometown" (actually 4 cities that run into each other) has become a small metropolitan area of around 500,000. Northwest Arkansas is pretty hoppin' these days. To give you some perspective, when I left for college 7 years ago, the population of my region was around 150,000. So yeah, there are Barnes and Noble Booksellers where there used to be old men driving tractors. In fact, the week that I went home the new, amazing, state-of-the suburban-art shopping center, the Pinnacle Promenade, opened. It's similar to the outdoor-shopping center the Plaza in Kansas City. And they're building ANOTHER similar style mall (Pleasant Crossing) just over the way. TWO MALLS!! In Rogers!!!! WTF?! Needless to say, I spent the whole weekend singing "Little Boxes" (the theme from Weeds and before that a famous folk anthem sung by the likes of Pete Seeger). I sang it so much I drove my entire family insane. "Little Boxes, on the hillside, little boxes made of ticky-tacky..." Well you get the idea. But in case you don't, here's a picture:




Other than coming home to an entirely new town than the one I last saw at XMAS, my trip to AR was great. My Grandpa's better than I expected him to be, although it's still hard to see a great American farmer weak and frail. He still has his temperament, though, and I ended up being kindly ordered to drive him around all weekend. For example, while we were the first quarter of the Arkansas/Auburn game (Go Hogs!), Grandpa sits up, starts taking off his permanent oxygen tank, switching tubes to his "travel" tank, moving his bed tray and asking me "You wanna drive around and listen to this on the radio?" As much as it sounded like it was a question, it was not. My grandfather expresses his opinion by saying something, anything, at all. A firm yes from his is "Well, that'd be alright..." I had a wonderful time and hope he feels well enough to take some more drives when I come home for the Holidays. It was really nice to scoot around town (get to the grocery store in about 10 minutes and home within the hour!) and get out of the city for a while. The kicker? They put me in first class on the way home! "Would you like some more wine?" "Yes, please!"

Since getting back from Arkansas, I have been working like a fiend to catch up. The curator and I are no longer dancing in circles and things are moving forward. Amazing. I was getting ready for a new song or I was going to shoot someone. Emily is still staying with us, so most of my friend energy is going to her...sorry for the lack of phone calls everyone... I'm having a great time with my alternative family, so y'all just have to wait until it breaks up.

But don't fret, I will leave you will a small update regarding the teaser from my last post--I wouldn't want to leave you hanging... I know how much all of you anticipate my posts. I know, I'm just that sexy. Anyhow, the teaser was about my end of season kickball events, so without further ado: we lost our first round in the tournament, but played really cohesively. Next season, we'll at least not be last... The best part was the party that night (open bar $5) at RNR in Chinatown. RNR was formerly a Coyote Ugly, and it must be said that it seems that the bar kept much of the same staff and clientele if you know what I'm saying...including the bizzaro Hill-types who were wearing SUITS! To a dance club! God I hate Hill-types... Anyhow, the mood was such that near the end of the night, even I was dancing on the bar! But it wasn't just random drunk slutty dancing. I swear it had a very important cultural point to make about the variety of women's body shapes. Really!!! During the beginning of my anthem "Baby Got Back" my teammates dragged me up to the bar to shake the junk in my trunk. All the other women up there were really skinny, assless, white women. I mean, I might be white, but I sure as hell ain't assless. Pear-shapes represent, what? what?! I have to admit that my favorite thing about dancing on the bar is that my teammates are almost all employees of the Feminist Majority. So, essentially, my lovely feminist friends were begging me to go dance and sexually objectify myself! All I gotta say is that there isn't much that vodka tonics, mixed with butt-pride songs, won't get me and my ample hips to do.

Well, folks. That's all I got for now. I've had lots of people annoying me on the subway and lots of new music/books/movie finds. But, as I said before, all my energies are going into actually hanging out with people in the real world. So, time for some dinner (Oop, there's the boy now), some TV, and maybe even some ice cream later tonight. This is all you're getting for a while, folks. Mmmmm, ice cream.

PS We got a steal on a 2002 Honda Accord EX! It even has leather seats. Eek. I feel very Bourgie now, as my flaming landlord would say. Oh well... Bourgie happens to the best of us.

Read More...

Sunday, October 15, 2006

No, I'm not dead...

I've just been out of town, busy interacting with people in the non-cyber world, and/or feeling just plain lazy...

I will post soon I promise. Just to hold you off, here's a teaser:

"Even though I knew it was a hopeless situation... oppressed as I was under the shadow of the Washington Monument and overwhelmed by the enormity of our impending loss... I got back up, and, ignoring the mud now caked on my pants, shirt, and hands, I ran... I ran and ran and ran... Coach's voice echoed in my ears: "If you fall, get back up!" So, I did. And I made it to base. And even though we lost on that crisp fall morning, we all felt like Kickball champions in our hearts...and even more importantly, we felt like a true team."

I know, you can't wait.

Read More...

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Gimpy Elephant George and His 6-Inch Heels

New people just moved into the flat upstairs. They are so fucking loud it sounds like landmines going off up there! They walk up and down the stairs making so much noise that my friend said they must be "gimps" (although this was after she searched for the nicer term of disabled) and my hubby said they "sound fat" (without searching for any nicer way to say that). By the end of the morning that we didn't get to sleep through and waste away, we had decided they were actually gimpy fatties wearing high heels who really really really get excited about stairs.

I'm being really hard on these kids, I know. In fact, they don't appear to be either, unless you call young and fresh-out-of-the-dorm gimpy and fat. I'm sure they are really nice people; they just haven't lived in an apartment/house with professionals before. I'm going to give them a couple of days before I lay down the noise law. Ambient noise is fine, but treating shared living space like you're still in college isn't. I know, I know, I sound like a cranky old person. But you know what? I am a cranky old person these days! I have a job and greying hair. I complain about "kids these days". I love when I can just go home, get in my pjs, and go to bed at 8:30pm after watching "Murder She Wrote." Okay, I'm kidding on the last one, but you get the point. I don't want a heard of elephants living above me; it makes me cranky and we all know how bad it is when I'm cranky...

But no worries friends, I'll break 'em in nice and easy with my Southern Charm and winning smile. By the end of the week, we'll have no more Gimpy Elephant George and his cadre of Heely-McHeelersons. Firm and fair, people. Firm and fair...

Read More...