The Consumption

I have another lung ailment--the third this year! Seriously, I think it must be an occupational hazard. When I was in preservation and working in a sterile, pristine environment, the moldy dusty disintegrating artifacts were brought to me. But now that I'm back in exhibitions, I'm working among the stuff again, breathing in 500-year-old mold. Bleck.

Hope I'm better by this weekend because the boy and I are driving up to Philly with a friend and his partner. Another friend decided to move back to Philly (apparently the coolest city man every created) after about a year in DC (which he thinks is the lamest). He's throwing a party to celebrate his homecoming and providing us Philly neophytes with a special guided tour. I haven't been to Philly since I was wee old and my parents did the Great Tour of New England 1993 in our '78 Chevy Impala with blue vinyl seats.* We've been meaning to go up to the other east coast cities more than we have since moving to DC, but with money and grad school, it just never happened... Philly better live up to all my expectations, as they were delayed by the most expensive school in the country. This trip better be worth $80,000 or else I'm boycotting it forever. Nay, I will do more than that for you ole beloved Capital town, much more! Philly-centric friend and I will enter into a death match using nothing but medieval weaponry. I swear I'll win for you DC and for your overpriced private university! I swear!

Anyhow, I should go take more 'Tussin now and sleep a peaceful sleep... it's very clear I'm not getting enough oxygen to my brain right now.

*If I have these years wrong Mom/Dad, it only proves that your memory is still better than mine...

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Normalcy Interrupted

Sometimes things are going so well, I forget that I have OCD and panic disorder. I mean, sure I try not to define myself by it, although I do "warn" people... you know, so they won't fuck with my post-it notes at work or tease me when I'm being irrationally obsessed with something somebody said... But those things happen so rarely now, after years of living with this "disease". I go weeks (or even months) with normalcy--getting up, going to work, going to the grocery store without fear or panic or severe obsessive/compulsive behaviours--I begin to get out of the habits that help keep me healthy... and then BAM!

Nope, kid, sorry. The world doesn't work that way for you. Messy ethernet cords immobilize you... You're obsessed with how the scatters of magazines lay just right in your magazine holder (you spend at least an hour arranging and rearranging and arranging and rearranging)... You're positive that your friends were giggling about you during the movie Saturday--you dream about it and can't move because of it. I know it totally seems like melodramatic silly stuff, and it is. That's what sucks about it. It is stupid stuff, like if my pages are paginated or I have too much hair on my arms or my sweater has lint. Or if random stranger on the Metro has too much hair on their arms or too much lint or x or y or z ... Stupid-inane-everyday-nothing worth worrying about-stuff consumes me and takes over my brain and I can't feel or think about anything else.

I don't know, it's not like I think I'm special for this (oh, overly-educated middle class white girl has such a hard time a la Prozac Nation)... Bleck. And I sorta didn't want to write about it--I mean it's so incongruous to the post I wrote yesterday it seems like I'm making too big a deal, you know? Of course, that's the thing: I can control what goes on my blog... I also fear that putting it out there is like I'm defining myself by it... but I guess it's ultimately cathartic for me to analyze it instead of just writing obsessive thoughts in my Moleskin journal like I normally do, forever captured on paper. Maybe talking about it publicly helps ease my secret shame? I don't know... I do know I'll probably obsess over this post for at least the next two days and maybe even delete it... Sigh.

In the end, the one thing days like this will always remind me is that this is normal for me and probably always will be. And that's okay. It has to be.

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Well..

...I went to the March. It was a beautiful day and an amazing turnout. I didn't march for long: I mainly sat on the side as an ethnographer, observing those who came to protest. It was pretty amazing to see the diversity--there were people with walkers, strollers, and protest drums side by side. It was also really interesting how many people brought cameras--they not only want to be seen, but also wanted to record that they had been seen. 10 people literally took the same photograph of protest signs shoved into the trash can near where I was sitting. They all seemed to think that it was a creative and unique composition. I should google it and see how many times it shoes up on Flickr...

Not sure if my or anyone else's going will make a difference with our current obstinate president, but it was nice to see that so many people are against this war. Gives me hope that, when bad enough, people will turn off their televisions and stand up for what they believe.

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What Really Counts?

This weekend is a large anti-war march in DC. I'm honestly not sure if I'm going. I have a lunch date with a friend who recently got out of the hospital and later, I'm hosting a Pride and Prejudice party. Does this mean that I care less about the war in Iraq ending? Does it mean that I am all talk and no action? Or does it mean that protests aren't the only form of political expression anymore? Does a person's blog count as much as a hundred marchers? I don't know, but I know that I honestly feel a bit like a schlub, living here in the nation's capital, in the shadow of the Capitol, and only going to a couple of protests a year. Shouldn't I be making hand-made signs and making up new protests songs weekly? Sure my job is activist related and I keep apprised of the news... I subscribe to Mother Jones and give money to Planned Parenthood. But with the current administration, is that enough? Or is this that moment in history where those who are doing shape the future and those who sat back passively benefit from it, never understanding the enormity of it all until it's too late? I've been reentering the world after about a year of hermithood, joining a volunteer orchestra and socializing more... but I feel like it's time to be more of a true activist. Activism used to be a large part of my life but has become more of something that happens to me, ending up on the steps of the Supreme Court because I was at work that day.

Anyhow, I am fully committed to volunteering more this year. Sure it's partly driven by guilt about being a huge liberal slug... But, I guess if you can't keep a lunch date you've been promising for weeks with a friend who has cancer, you aren't much help to the world anyhow, right? Right? Right?

We'll see...

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Voyeurism...

So, I'm finally catching up on my telly for the week and I have to say, I think I'm a bit of a voyeur. My boy is asleep because he gets embarrassed easily (hi Allison!) and I insisted on watching my American Idol episodes after we finished our Smallville and Netflix choices (The Night Listener...kind of want to read the book now)... I don't know why, but I really love watching people embarrass themselves while attempting their dreams. Is this because I don't attempt mine? I'm not sure, because I love love love love my job and can't believe people (as in tax payers) actually give me money to make awesome exhibitions (haha, do I take off my clothes? heard it, dude).... or is it my secret long-standing desire to be a famous singer? Sure I was in advanced choir, but that wasn't because I have a nice voice, it was because of those years in piano and violin that I actually could sing in tune. And read notes. Is my love of talent shows because I want to watch others suffer the humiliation I am afraid I will face myself? While I watch safely from my couch, my singing fantasy untouched by reality? Since American Idol hasn't been back to DC, I guess I'll never know, will I?

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Dear Lord...

...it's been forever since my last post... and I was doing so well at the first of the year! The least of my resolutions to go to pot 3 weeks into 2007, I suppose. Life, I mean, work, got in the way. I sent the objects to the designers today... finality is a good thing in my eyes right now, even if it meant working until 10 pm some nights this week.

The more important interference with my virtual communication, though, has been that another good friend has moved to DC! My new motto seems to be: why bother making new friends when all your old ones move to you? In all seriousness, this is my 4th very good friend to move to the District and I'm super excited she's here. Why all the moves? Because I'm so fantastical, of course... Actually, I guess it's because I gravitate toward politically-minded people who don't just bitch about the way the world is, but actually attempt to change it...D.C. is definitely one of the places to do that. Movers and shakers or at least people who fancy themselves movers and shakers. Anyhow, I always love sharing my home with virgin D.C.ers and I especially love that Sara is here... I'm a bit of a schizo and different people bring out different aspects of my personality. Sara (along with my other bestest kittenist friends) brings out the weird and slightly inappropriate Elizabeth. I've been rejuvenated since she got here--I'd forgotten how much I liked letting go of all my worries and just taking life as it comes. Worrying more about what experiences I'll have this week than thinking about bills... Plus, she's living and working in Capitol Hill, which is a neighborhood I haven't spent much time in, so this will give us both a chance to explore something I've missed out on the last 4 years. I can share my little piece of this city and she can share hers. So far it appears that her block has more trees and white people than mine, but I'm a very judgemental person and jump quickly to conclusions. I'll have to do a tree count to confirm my suspicions and then I'll get back to you. No offense, hillers, right? It's just bitterness because your one bedrooms are so much more expensive than mine in Columbia Heights and thus, more desirable. I have low neighborhood self-esteem, amongst other insecurities.

My statistical tree count will have to wait, however, because right now I'm going to keep boozing and celebrating the end of this damn hard week. And sleep in tomorrow. Zzzzzzzzz.

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Virgil Goode Is an Idiot

Virgil Goode is all in a tizzy because House Representative-elect Keith Ellison will be swearing in on a Quran. Thomas Jefferson's Quran, no less. According to Goode (who probably also thinks God talks to him), without immigration overhaul "there will be many more Muslims elected to office demanding the use of the Quran."

Does that mean that Goode is cool with "the Mexicans"?!? I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but I've noticed a lot of Christian churches going bilingual the past couple of years. Now that's the American spirit Goode must be talking about! As long as those damn Buddhists and Hindus and Muslims stay out, he will welcome our Christian brethren to the South with open, hospitable arms. This will teach the Minutemen to think twice about which borders they patrol. Christian or Bust, Baby! Our doors are welcome!

Somehow, I don' t think that's quite what Goode means. I know, I'm such a cynic, but whaddya gonna do?

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