Tuesday, September 05, 2006

The Duggars Have Captured Your Hearts...

Since I've noticed some resurgeance in both Duggar news (via Discovery Channel) and views of my vintage Duggar post, I have decided to repost the blog below so those not yet acquainted with this lovely family of God can too bask in the glory that is the Duggars.

Enjoy.

Oops... the Duggars Did Again

and Again and Again and Again...

For those of you who aren't blessed enough to know of the Duggars, they are a Northwest Arkansas family (where I grew up) who have 16 children. Yep, that's right. As of 6:30am this morning, the Duggar brood numbers 16. And what's most interesting/scary/mind-boggling/weird/pickwhateverwordyouwant is that every child's name begins with the letter J. I'm not kidding. There's Joshua, 17; John David, 15; Janna, 15; Jill, 14; Jessa, 12; Jinger, 11; Joseph, 10; Josiah, 9; Joy-Anna, 8; Jeremiah, 6; Jedidiah, 6; Jason, 5; James, 4; Justin, 2; Jackson Levi, 1; and now Johannah. And their dad's name? You guessed it, Jim Bob. Poor mom, her name is Michelle. She's so left out. Other than the fact that she's birthing a baby every 9 months. And according to Jim Bob, they are ready to start for another, if God blesses them again. I quote: "We both just love children. I have asked Michelle if she wants more, and she said yes, if the Lord wants to give us some she will accept them."

I first became aware of the Duggars when Jim Bob ran for US Senate in 2002. He had previously been elected as a state representative by the good people of NW Arkansas and dreamt of bigger and better things. So, he sent a card to EVERYONE in the mail, knowing in his heart that the people of Arkansas would embrace him.



Now many of you are thinking, well of course Arkansas would LOVE this guy! I mean, look at his nice, Christian family... Look at how they are combating the falling white birth rate singlehandely! Look at their matching outfits--they must be a great jug band! Arkansans love jug bands like they love fried chicken, right? Sadly, too many of you have an incorrect idea of Arkansas and it's constintuents. Yes, the majority of Arkansans (I'm not speaking for myself, of course, being a socialist and all) love white, Christian men with strong values who tend toward the conservative side. Or are Bill Clinton. But there is such a thing as going too far for us and the Duggars do that... in more than one way. Wink wink, hint hint, say no more.

Don't believe me, the Arkansan expatriate living in D.C.? Well, here's the viewpoint from an Arkansas blog:

Oh lordy, I tried my best to pass up this blog....just let it go.....leave it be. But it's just simply too delicious. First all, my 2 kids just love the Duggar's, or at least the concept of a Duggar. They regularly scan the news, looking for something new, usually of the flesh variety, at the Duggar Barracks.

They use the name to describe many as in, the dog has fleas as thick as Duggar's. Or we have enough cookies to feed the Duggar's. The term Duggar used to mean 15, which came off as , how much money will it cost, hon? Duggar's daddy, so I'd know to spool out 15 bucks. Now I'll have to keep a bunch of 1's around in order to hand out 16 bucks.

Also if my wife and I disappear upstairs one of the kids will holler Duggar at us when we come back down. Man, I wish! And it made getting our oldest girl on birth control pills last month easier by reasoning that it would be best for our family if she didn't goof up and Duggar by accident. We tell her she'll have lots of time to Duggar in the future. Duggaring is natural, Duggaring is good, not everybody does it, but everybody should.

And we remind her that to be a good parent means at least 20 years of care and worry 24/7 for each Duggar. Let's see, 16 times 20 = 320 years. ...Hope Michelle takes her vitamins, she's got to live a long long time. And honestly, what's one more kid after you have 15? I say give the ole girl a few days to rest up and then let's get those legs back up in the air. My new motto is Make Duggar's, Not War!


So, what's the moral of this story? That Arkansans are just like the rest of the country thinks we are--dumb, ignorant, racist, Christian freaks with Pentecostal hair and matching doilie dresses? Yes, but at least we, including our most famous native son Bill Clinton, Duggar a lot!

For those of you who are interested in learning more about the Duggar way of life, here is a link to the family's website. They will even answer your yearning questions! Or you can just watch them on the Discovery Channel or the Learning Channel. Yes, they have shows about their life.

God, no wonder people make fun of Arkansas.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Came across your blog and thought I would leave a little touch of thought with one of my favorite quotes, "If God wanted us to think with our wombs, why did he give us a brain?" by Clare Booth Luce
I am a mom of 5 and also have two stepchildren...most view our family as "big". I think that it's everyone's personal choice and if they can handle it...well so be it. Very good blogging! Impressive.

Anonymous said...

I came across your blog and I just had to leave a comment. I would like to know where this BREED MARE with frizzed out hair plans on taking her older children to take their SAT tests for college ; or are they expected to grow up and be like mommy and daddy with NO education ??? I am a teacher, and I think what these people are doing is cruel and rotten...do these kids have any peers that they can hang out with in between their bible studies and child rearing of their younger siblings ? What they should do is tie the mother's tubes, and get the kids to see an orthodontist on a family plan, because most of them have a mouth problem as well...I am just trying to figure out which parent has the biggest mouth problem, take a look at them if you don't believe me. Also, I wonder if she would be BLOWING OUT KIDS every 15 minutes if she had just ONE child with a learning problem, or autism, or Down's Syndrome. I'd like to see her handle a kid with amblyopia, never mind ADHD ! Let's hope this last one is her last ! They are just DISGUSTING ! I just don't think it's fair for these bible thumpers to keep producing kids who will in turn, produce more....then run to the bible and find some bible passage to say that what they are doing is "God's will". Let's hope that she goes into menopause soon, and her hormones stop racing. Enough is enough ! If they didn't like all of the publicity that they are getting, then they would refuse the t.v. documentaries.

Anonymous said...

The only thing that really bothers me about this family is the older kids are all "assigned" a younger kid to be in charge of. I would never "assign" one kid to the other and make them responsible for taking care of them all day, dressing them, bathing them...the way I figure is if my husband and I had the babies were the one's that are to take care of them ,and if we ever thought our kids needed to do it for us, then we would stop having kids.

Anonymous said...

I'd just like to know why anyone gives a darn about the Duggars. If they want to have 50 children, what business is it of anyone's as long as they are loved and well taken care of, as they appear to be. The rest of us may not be comfortable with the idea of having 18+ kids (I know I wouldn't be), but they are a nice family and well-educated at home (contrary to the rude "teacher's" comment - yeah, teachers think they know everything.

Maybe there's a lot of jealousy on this page about the Duggars. They are clearly a functional family in an extremely dysfunctional world.

Anonymous said...

The Duggars present a new kind of racism. I could not sit through the first show I could feel the racism through the tv. Not to mention the only time I heard (again I can't stand watching the show so granted this is second hand rumor)they show minorities on the show is when they visited a third world country.

DugThis said...

The Duggars...what a perfect example of celebrity without any particular talent. Bible thumping hypocrites.
Wonder what they thought of the Wizards at Disneyland? Did they hold up their crosses as if they were warding of a vampire?
Were the boys allowed to look at Dolly Partons breasts whilst visiting DollyWood, or were their eyes covered?
This family of breeders is just plain CREEPY.