and i don't want to know me better...

and i don't want to live forever
when the sky is full of little holes
exploding as they take my picture
let's explode...

why is it that even when i'm happy, these sorts of songs speak to me more than others? morose, self-critical, depressing, shoe-gazing. the sadder the better. the more internal struggle the better. is it because lively lizzy is really lugubrious liz at her core? is it because i've spent much of my life struggling with anxiety and depression... and songs like this make me feel that someone else out there knows exactly what's hiding on the inside of me?

or does the feeling of sadness, self-reflectiveness, or pensiveness give me some sort of high? an artificial sense of artistic and romaniticized sadness? does all sadness and depression have a little bit of this? the edgar allen poe, sylvia plath sexiness of moroseness?

i'm not sure. but damn i love that song.