And... Pause!

Life has been very busy for me lately... or for the last six years since I moved to DC, actually... I got a masters degree, had several jobs, got hitched, lost family members and a good friend to illness, moved a mazillion times and then bought a house, fixed up (mostly) said house, worked hardcore on my OCD, discovered acupuncture, made new friends, hung out with old friends, became an auntie, and dreamt about the next steps in my life... In the next year I hope to finish fixing up the house, publish a couple of articles that I'm working on, start going back to school to get my Ph.D., keep getting healthy, and continue to be present in my life instead of being a big ball of squidgy.

This part of my life have been in parts amazing and horrible (sometimes at the same time), and it's sometimes unclear how I'm supposed to process it all... But I'm one of those people that really tries to look at life not as a set path towards a specific destination. I like to think of it more like a discovery--you chart your course and follow the path as it leads you, often to something surprising and unexpected. There's no one right way to live your life or to define yourself. Sometimes the most amazing experiences happen when you accidentally veer off course. I admit that it's hard to keep this perspective with a mental illness that's all about trying to control the unknown, but I really do feel like I'm beginning to get the hang of this stuff... I'm much better about saying "no" to things I don't want to do, taking responsibility for my own happiness and not for others', and for knowing when to say "stop." Oh, and saying "yes" to the unknown. Like surfing. That's right. S-U-R-F-I-N-G. On a vacation. That I didn't take ANY work on... That I just relaxed at and did what I wanted to do because I wanted to do it, with amazing friends, natch! And it was AWESOME! I had so much fun, even if I fell off the board and never really "stood" up... Sidenote: can you say "learned to surf" if you never successfully apply the techniques? Survey says...YES!

This is me being present as I fall off my board and under the surf. I got bruised knees. It was AWESOME!



This is the beach where I finally pushed my (much-needed) "pause" button. A vacation with no other purpose than to vacay. No weddings to witness, no family to visit, no conferences to attend, just going for the sake of it.




Say it with me: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.