Metro Etiquette

I know I've only lived in D.C. for two years, so it's not really "my town" to complain about, but I am so sick of tourists. The winter here is so beautiful, the Metro escalators are open, and the museums are practically empty. But then, cherry blossom season and all hell breaks loose--everyone's walking around with FBI hats that they bought from a bodaga off of the Mall and has gift shop sacks from the International Spy Museum, aka CIA propaganda center. I know, I know, I should want people to come to museums, I am getting my masters in Museum Studies and work for the Smithsonian. But I'll let you in on a little secret: more museum professionals than you realize just want to work at a museum to be around the stuff and do what they like to do, not put up with obnoxious, ill-educated hicks who don't know to stand on the right of the escalator and walk on the left, goddammit.