Surprise, Surprise

Thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands of people, died yesterday in Haiti due to an earthquake. Thousands more will die because of lack of water, medical attention, and other basic services. The world, including the US, is answering the call for help. As we should, because it's the right thing to do. But what do conservative "Christian" pundits go and do? That's right, they spew off ignorant vitriol that I'm sure would make their Jesus cringe in embarrassment.

Pat Robertson: (my paraphrase of the video below if you just can't stand to hear the ignorant asshat speak) The Haitians were punished because back under their colonial rule of the French, they made a pact with the devil in order to get the French out. But, because of this pact, they have forever been cursed.



Me: Riiiiiighhhttt! Obviously the Haitians haven't had trouble after colonization cause of, well, the effects of colonization. It was *totally* the Devil. Oh wait, that was redundant.

Rush Limbaugh: (again, my paraphrase if you are physically unable to stand this dude's voice) 1) Obama is only pretending to care about Haiti because he wants to look good to black people. Both the light and dark variety, might I add. 2) Why do you have to see where to donate through whitehouse.gov? It's a conspiracy! We already give Haitians money through income tax (har har har). Oh yeah, and no one is allowed to complain that we don't do enough for Haiti 'cause some church missions here and there go over and try to help.





Me: dkjldfjkladsfjkadjkhfhjkgfjkdkajlfjkdkjfhjkgahjkajkf!!! ::head smacks keyboard::

1) Seriously?! Turning this into a race issues makes a point how? If Bush were president (God that made me feel sick just to write), even he would try to give something 'cause this is too serious to ignore as one human to another human. His giving wouldn't be about race, would it? He'd just be showing his Christian values.

2) You're right, Rush, some people in this country on days that aren't disasters do care about others and spend their time and resources and money to try to help. Sure, the cynic in me says that they also are doing so in order to convert people and get into heaven, but I'll quiet that voice for a second and say that I admire the people who, for whatever reason, take time out of their lives to care. If I believed in a higher power, I think the appropriate line would be, God Bless Them.

HOWEVER, just because a couple of hundred people try to make a difference does not negate that most of us don't! And that rampant social injustice and poverty exists all over this world and we need to do something about it not only when hundreds of thousands of people are affected by an earthquake. We need to do something now, not then. But, when hundreds of thousands of people are affected by a disaster, don't negate the giving that happens. Sure we should be better, but now is not the time to make that point. Now is the time to help our fellow human brothers and sisters.

Okay, rant over. I know I tend to wash people like Rush and Pat with the same paintbrush of ignorant and hateful, but I sometimes still can't believe the things that come out of their mouths and into their listener's ears.

Let's just hope it doesn't make it into their hearts or we're all doomed.

UPDATE: Also, putting my money where my mouth is, I would like to urge everybody to donate to aid efforts for the victims of the Haiti earthquake by either texting "Haiti" to 90999, which will give $10 to the Red Cross by charging your cell bill, or giving to this amazing health care organization, founded by Paul Farmer, Partners in Health. Since geography means I can't donate time, at the very least, let's donate some money.

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::face palm::

"Well, see, I got 15 emails that said it was true, which makes it more true than just one email saying it isn't true, you know?"

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To Infinity and Beyond

Forever ago, I wrote a little piece on the Duggar family, you know the ones with a mazillion* "J"-named children?

Well, it seems as if one of their children has now had a child.  And do you know what occurred to me, in a moment of pure, adrenaline-rush fright?  That if this family has a mazillion children, and their children do the same, the Duggars will exponentially grow in size.  EXPONENTIALLY.

It was not a good moment, sufficed to say.

*to be exact, it's 18, with the 19th on the way

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Judging a Book By Its Cover

I honestly don't think that I need to say anything about this video. I really think that the individuals in it speak for their ignorance just fine without me chirping in. Rebutting their claims that "fascism, socialism, and communism are all the same thing" is pointless...besides, I've already tried it before. Just watch and be appalled--as the boy said, "I really hope that this represents the lowest common denominator in our country or we're in trouble."

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No Country for Old Children

So, last night was President Obama's address to Congress about the health care plan.  At this event, the Obama of old seemed to finally appear before our eyes, calling out the lies and mistruths being spread by "those who have made the calculation that it's better politics to kill this plan than to improve it" and arguing that the fight for healthcare was a fight for the character of America, stating not only that "[...] large-heartedness, that concern and regard for the plight of others is not a partisan feeling. It's not a Republican or a Democratic feeling. It, too, is part of the American character" and but also that when " any government measure, no matter how carefully crafted or beneficial, is subject to scorn; when any efforts to help people in need are attacked as un-American; when facts and reason are thrown overboard and only timidity passes for wisdom, and we can no longer even engage in a civil conversation with each other over the things that truly matter -- that at that point we don't merely lose our capacity to solve big challenges. We lose something essential about ourselves."

And what happened during this speech?  That's right, exactly what you would expect from a group of immature, privileged, power-hungry Congresspersons wanting to appeal to the lowest common denominator: shouting, holding up signs, and ignoring the speech to check blackberries.  It was despicable.  Even more so that not allowing school children to be addressed by our President because of fear of "indoctrination."  Is this what we teaching our children?  That we don't even bother to listen to someone else's opinion because we don't like the person or because we assume they will say something we don't agree with?  I suppose it is when the adults teaching them are men like Joe Wilson (R- S.C.) who call the President a "liar" while in the Congressional chambers. 

What a sad state our country is in.  Two wars, rampant poverty and ignorance, many Americans unwilling to have compassion for their fellow human beings, and jeering our President when he is in official capacity in our honored legislative chamber.  Even I wouldn't do that... Heck, I didn't even shout at Condi Rice when we were both at Circuit City because her Mom was there and you don't yell at people in front of their mothers.

I guess I was just raised differently.

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DC isn't the coolest city...

...but it's also not as lame as every single internet personality from NY (or at least Gawker) makes it out to be. Every now and then this subject gets in my craw and I google it and get angrier and angrier and angrier. I'm usually drunk when I do and also looking up ex-roommates to see how lame they are now (you know, to mask my own insecurities... sigh...but that's all beside the point!) Anyhow, take a look at the below posts, which aren't even about just how much cooler NY is than DC (which, duh, can you even compare the geographic area, the population density, the voting rights disparities?!), but also just about how uncool DC is. BTW, I think NY is awesome. I might even move there at some point in my life--who knows?! I try not to define myself by where I live, but by what I do while living there. Apparently, however, for a certain populace of NY this is not the case, and dissing the District is the "cool" thing to do now...

I'm not going to get into why I think DC is awesome (which I do), but I will say that if you notice, nearly EVERY single criticism of DC is about the transient, over-educated, white population of the city, that I also loathe... Comments like this really get my goat:

I used to live there... 90% of the DC population sucks ass. The only micro-sub-groups that are any fun are (1) self-loathing journalists and (2) World Bankers. Both cliques can drink the average Washingtonian under the table, but with the second category, you get bottle service.

I'm confused--you only like the over-educated yuppies, but hate the other 90%, which are who? How is it that so many of these comments are about how awful Georgetown is and how there's no music scene (read: indie, read: white), when %50 of DC's population is persons of color who are disproportionately poor? Did these people ever leave Metro Center? Did they ever actually talk to someone who grew up in the District, not the metro area?! These types of posts and comments are about "Washington," not the "District," you know what I mean? A lot of DC residents HATE this shit, too. Or else don't have access and time to waste on the stupid internets in the first place...they are too busy with tasty half-smokes, block parties, political activism (both good and of the Barry variety), jazz, and Go Go.

Anyhow, I'm tipsy and this is annoying me right now, for whatever reason. However, I'm going to go upstairs and go to sleep instead of continuing this useless rant...

Here are the posts, if you are interested...

http://gawker.com/284166/does-boston-actually-suck-more-than-dc
http://gawker.com/5153483/cheer-up-dc-will-never-be-cool
http://gawker.com/news/d%27c%27-sucks/why-we-avoid-dc-at-all-costs-283829.php

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Which Clinton?!

Is it totally telling of my feminist leanings that my first thought when I saw this post on CNN about an attempt to free the jailed Current TV journalists, was "They sent which Clinton? Why him and not the Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton?! Seriously, had to send the husband to take care of the big, bad hard job. Sigh"

Now, to be fair to everyone, I read further down and it was made clear to me that this was a private attempt to free the journalists and that boy Clinton was not acting as a government official, as girl Clinton would have been... So, I chilled my jets. A little...

Still, I can't help having a bit of a gut reaction, considering the power dynamic between men and women in general and Bill and Hillary in particular. You know what I mean?

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Um, what!?

I honestly don't have the time or patience to give this post any satirical or analytical context.  Hell, I can't even garner enough to give it a bit of snark...  One day, when I finally update my thesis on white racialists in popular culture, maybe I'll give it a go... but right now, I'll just say, WTF?!  Crazy Lady!!!!  SOOOOOOOOOOO TOTALLY WRONG! 

Sigh.

Here's Debbie Schlussel's internet trollumnist take on the tragedy yesterday at the US Holocaust Museum:

It is because of Muslims—who are the biggest contributor to the worldwide rise in anti-Semitism to Holocaust-eve levels—that neo-Nazis feel comfortable—far more comfortable!—manifesting their views about Jews. Until 9/11 and our resulting new tolerance for Islam, the neo-Nazi types were marginalized and howling at the wind. We know who has been targeting Jewish museums and centers affiliated with Jews in recent years. And it hasn't been, in general, 89-year-old White guys.

Mr. Von Brunn has been on this planet for 89 years, and he didn't feel comfortable shooting up a Holocaust museum until now—this new era of "tolerance," in which we must tolerate the most extremist Muslim behaviors and sentiments. It's, in general, not 89-year-old White guys telling people at churches worldwide and in religious schools that the Jews are the devil incarnate, a filthy tribe, the sons of pigs and monkeys, subhuman, etc.

No, it's guys with names like Mohammed and Ahmed on our own American streets who make Mr. Von Brunn far more at ease in 2009 than he was even in 1999 to attack places associated with the Jews. They created the comfort zone for James W. Brunn to engage in today's shooting.

Moreover, not only do White supremacists and neo-Nazis work with Muslims in many, many documented cases and investigations. But they are basically one and the same. The only difference is that one guy is named James and the other guy is named Ahmed. And the former only has a few thousand discredited, marginalized compatriots.

Whereas the latter has over a billion followers and a U.S. President kissing their collective ass.

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Again, Irony or Obliviousness ?

So, my post earlier today in which a far-right idiot said something that illustrated either irony or obliviousness, I couldn't tell.  Either way, it was a dumbass thing to say.

Here's so more dumbassery, courtesy of people (via Jezebel's mockery) who are sad that they no longer have a clear enemy to hate since HE WAS MURDERED!!!!!

Says Scott  Roeder, who assassinated Dr. Tiller a couple of weeks ago, all for helping women who had nowhere else to go:

Roeder said it was freezing in his cell. "I started having a bad cough. I thought I was going to have pneumonia," he said.

He said he called AP because he wanted to emphasize the conditions in the jail so that in the future suspects would not have to endure the same conditions.

Roeder also said he wanted the public to know he has been denied phone privileges for the past two days, and needed his sleep apnea machine.

Um, hi.  You killed someone, yes? Like, on purpose, right? Okay, good, just wanted to make sure we were straight.

Also, anti-abortion leaders seem upset that the clinics might not close because they're right, but because someone (already out of the womb, natch) was killed:

Dr. Tiller's clinic was the one - the big one - Mr. Newman had always hoped to close. Still, he said, if it closed now it would be no victory for Operation Rescue. "Good God, do not close this abortion clinic for this reason," he said.

Sure, he ended it with,  "Every kook in the world will get some notion." ... Which, I admit, is a laudable thing to say.  But still, the intention is, they'll get a notion and then kill all the doctors and then whatever will I fight against?!

Blah.

For how the "other side" has reacted to this tragedy, check this moving site out: http://iamdrtiller.com/

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I can't post this video because it's way too... too

So, this video of Israeli-Americans and their opinions of Obama is extremely upsetting and, sadly, not so shocking.  I especially love the kid that shouts "White Power"--um, buddy, the "White Power" guys would cut you if they had an opportunity.  Is this ironic or just oblivious?  I'm never sure of that definition...

Anyhow, I know that for a lot of a people the Israel/Arab conversation is a hot-button issue, and rightly so, for both sides.  Any time where people are suffering and dying and committing acts of violence towards others is obviously not a good thing.  Neither side, in my opinion, has clean hands.*  But, the vitriol and sense of entitlement shown in these young people is inexcusable and certainly doesn't give me much faith in the situation finding a peaceful, reasonable solution that values the human rights of all people.**

http://gawker.com/5279556/some-young-jews-are-not-fans-of-obama

*And, before you post a reactive comment, no, I'm not anti-Israel and pro-Palestinian.  I'm not anti-Semitic or a secret Muslim-hater (or lover) because I think both sides have valid points and both sides have committed unreasonable acts of violence.  I'm not for or against any one side, other than that of all humans and the protection of everyone's basic rights to live in a safe area and have access to nutritious food, clean water, and housing. 

**Also, I know that's a bit reactive, but I was upset by the video. Just like I know, from personal experience, that the racist, idiot words of the idiot rednecks don't represent the values of ALL Southerners, I get that there are a lot of Israelis and Jews that find what these dumbasses said abhorrent...

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Four Years Since It All Changed

Well, this week has turned out to be harder than I anticipated. I had been doing really well anxiety-wise, so I must say that I'm a bit blown by how raw I've been leading up to today... How horrible having the flashbacks and dreams is and how much I still blame myself for what happened... On the one hand, I guess this is good, that I'm not used to feeling this awful anymore. On the other hand, I can't believe the last three years were spent feeling this way. What happened to my life? What happened to me? How in the hell did I get out of that mess?

Four years ago today, my life changed forever. It's the day that became my before and after, my personal B.C. and A.D. time marker. Four years ago today, I flew home to Arkansas for my wedding, went and spent the day with my grandparents, like I always did, and then watched, helplessly, as my Grandma died suddenly in front of me.

At the time, I put on a grateful face for my family--"Oh, I'm so lucky I got to say goodbye. It was meant to be that I was there. I got to tell her that I loved her one last time." That was a total lie, told to make them feel better so they wouldn't worry about me. In fact, I felt like absolute shit--if I hadn't gone there that day, if I hadn't let her take me shopping, if I had been faster at calling 911, or done CPR correctly, or SOMETHING, it wouldn't have happened. She would have had her CAT-scan the next day, the doctors would have found what was wrong and, poof! an alive and healthy Grandma!

I've spent most of the last four years "living" because that's what I was supposed to do... I went ahead with my wedding even though I still have a hard time separating the happiness of that anniversary with the awfulness of the days before it. I went into work (sometimes, when I wasn't sleeping or crying or hungover or angry or just plain sick) and went to interviews for better jobs, including the one I have now and love. I called friends back and hung out, which was always fun, but I dreaded because it meant being out in the world. I told everyone that it hurt, but that I would be okay. That it would just make me stronger. Really, I didn't believe any of it and I did most of my "living" out of guilt or fear of failure or embarrassment. I really just wanted to lie in bed, watch the tv, and eat my sadness. Which I sorta did. And when I wasn't doing that, I was on autopilot or navigating a raging sea of anxiety and flashbacks and panic attacks and anger and guilt and sadness... I was exhausted from pretending to be a person... I would have given ANYTHING to trade that day with someone--if they thought it was so great to have been there, they could fucking have it--I was there and I didn't want it anymore, not one single second of it.

About a year and a half ago, after moving into a new apartment, finding a job that I really love doing, and continuing to fake living, something happened. I actually started really living. I found a new therapist. I started going to acupuncture. I began not only enjoying spending time with my friends but also seeking it out. I honestly don't know what I would have done without them, as they stuck by me until one day I dreaded being in the world a lot less than I had before... I began grieving my grandma and missing her, not just thinking about how she went away. I was able to separate the two--how she died is one thing, but the fact that I don't have her around anymore is another. I began being able to miss her for her, which was so freeing to me. To cry because I was at the store and saw some socks that she'd love (she was a big sock person) and not because I'd heard an ambulance and had a panic attack.

So what now? What happened? Did enough time go by that the wound just healed? No, I can honestly say that, clearly, it's still there. If I think about that day and what she looked like as she passed and how scared I was and how responsible I felt and still feel, it's clear to me that my soul is still in a lot of pain. But... I'm not as mad at myself about it anymore. Last year this time, my therapist said to me something along the lines of, "I know that it's hard and it's horrible that you went through that, but you need to learn how to deal with it. Because it could happen again. Right now, the next time you are with someone you love, it could happen all over again. And you need to be able to still live." I was so mad, for weeks, after she said that to me. And then it hit me... it's true. I have to learn how to deal with this because I couldn't control it then and I can't control it now. The boy could die on his way to work tomorrow and I have to deal with that. I absolutely cannot continue to define myself by that one hour of my life, that one moment of perceived failure... I have to define myself for the many moments that happened after, the strength that I didn't even know that I had and the fact that, for the first time in a long time, I honestly didn't remember how much it hurt to feel this way...

My acupuncturist asked me a couple of days ago, when I went in all squidgy and distraught, if I would trade places with any of my family. Privately, I've often told myself that I would, especially when one of them would say how jealous they were that I got to be there. But, my old, public answer was always "no", at least in regards to the other grandchildren, my twin and my cousin, because of a couple of reasons. One, I didn't want to seem like a shit. Two, I honestly think I was the best choice at the time. See, the thing is, I'm often horrible with my own problems, but with other people's, I get some sort of super cool, take-control power. For all the guilt that I feel, I know that I made sure that only one grandparent died that day when I forced my upset grandfather to take his heart medicine when I saw him have symptoms... I honestly don't think that my cousin, who has continued to struggle in his life with depression and addiction, would have had the clarity of mind to focus on the mission at hand--get Grandma to medical attention and make sure we keep Grandpa alive. My sister probably could have handled the 911 and all that, but she didn't realize that my Grandpa needed to take nitroglycerin for his heart and wouldn't have known to say anything. I happened to know, so I thought of it in the middle of another crisis. Am I a superhero or special? No. But did I do at least one thing right that day? Yes.

However, that's my old answer. On Friday, for the first time, I started to say what I always said and then paused... and eventually answered the same thing, but for a totally different reason. When she asked me, "would you trade," instead of saying no but meaning yes, I said, "Yes, if it would mean the same outcome and Grandpa didn't go too." And then, I thought for another second and said, "No. I wouldn't. I wouldn't trade because I wouldn't want anyone else to feel the way that I've felt for the last four years... I would never want my sister or cousin or mom or dad or aunt to feel this horrible, for any reason. So, no. It's something that happened to me because it did and that's just the way that it is."

So, it seems that my body (or soul) still has scars and somehow remembers when that awful day happened... It likes to remind me through dreams and crying and nausea and panic and anger. And that's okay. Because I'm sure I'll never forget what happened that day and I shouldn't. But, I can honestly say that I can live with it.

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So Simple, So Hard...

This gov't memo from Delaware is almost laughable in its obviousness, except that, well, people still act this way! Gawker has highlights, but here's the whole thing if you want to read it:

DIVERSITY SPOTLIGHT
Spring Edition
2009
Delaware Department of Transportation
Comments you never want to make to a coworker
WORKPLACE FAUX PAS

Curiosity is natural; and with a diverse workforce, inquiring minds always want to know. How you communicate
your inquiries can keep you from offending your co-workers.
How can you go about interacting with your colleagues without putting your foot in your mouth? How do you keep
from getting the cold shoulder and creating friction in the workplace? Understanding how others are affected by
your comments will help build an inclusive and diverse work environment.

It is always better to be honest and acknowledge your unfamiliarity when you are curious about a person or a topic.

It is never inappropriate to build a better working relationship with your co-worker by getting to know them. You
can never go wrong by saying “I really don't know that much about...” or “I’m curious about this, would you be
offended if I asked you….?” People will have greater respect for you when you are sincere and admit you are
genuinely interested in learning about them.

Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Co-workers

Employees who make the decision to “come out” are
usually apprehensive about the kinds of reaction they
will receive from colleagues.
• What did your family say?
This is personal and not an opportunity to
start gossip.
• I don’t consider you gay.
This is insensitive.
• Have you thought about getting help?
You are stereotyping, telling the person
there’s something wrong that should be
fixed.
• Never call a coworker a “fag” or “homo.”
This is derogatory, rude, and totally
insensitive.
• I didn’t need to hear that.
If you are not interested in the person’s
personal life, simply say “Thank you.”

African American Coworkers
• The “N” word
You may have heard comedians or African
Americans use the word “n*****” casually.
It is never, ever acceptable to use this word
in any context. You are asking for trouble;
leave this one alone.
• You people
Let’s just say you are asking for trouble
when you make this reference. Your focus
should be on the individual, not the race or
culture.
• Should we order fried chicken or
watermelon for you?
This is stereotyping and shows ignorance.
• You are articulate, or you speak very well.
As opposed to what? You may be implying
that most African Americans are not well
spoken or well educated. Remember a vice
presidential candidate made this mistake.
• I am not prejudiced against black people,
my neighbors are black.
You are saying it’s all right to treat people
differently because you know a few people
of the same race.

Asian Co-workers
• You must be the new IT person.
All Asians are not IT professionals.
• You speak English very well, or did you
learn to speak English in America?
You are assuming that everyone who speaks
with an accent is foreign born. The fact is
that we all speak with an accent; e.g., New
England, Southern, British, etc. The
appropriate approach should be “I’m not
familiar with your accent, may I ask where
your accent is from?”
• What’s your native language?
Don’t assume because people look
differently or speak differently that they are
not natural-born Americans or are from a
foreign country. Remember we have
military bases all over the world; and don’t
forget the Peace Corps or Fortune 500
companies with employees and families
spending the bulk of their lives overseas.
• Can you recommend a good Chinese
restaurant?
All Asians are not Chinese. Take some time
to study a world map. The world is made up
of continents with many countries, regions,
cultures, and sub-cultures. Remember the
news reports about a vice presidential
candidate who thought Africa was a country.
• Wow, you are from India! My neighbor
Ashok Shah is from India; do you know him?
Think for a minute … do you know every
American - or everyone who lives in Dover
or Wilmington?

Older Co-workers
• You know Wal Mart is hiring.
This is not funny. An older employee has
experience you could benefit from.
• When can we start planning your retirement
party?
With this kind of attitude you are creating an
unfriendly work environment.
• You are just warming that seat.
DelDOT values the contributions of all
employees regardless of age.

White Co-workers
• That’s how a typical white person acts.
You are suggesting that all white people are
the same by putting them in the same
category. The behavior may have nothing to
do with the person’s race.
• I don’t trust white people; they are all
racists.
This is stereotyping and totally
insensitive. Get to know the person or
discuss why the actions may have offended
you. Don’t generalize.
• White trailer trash.
Why would you think that referring to
someone as trash is acceptable? This is
derogatory, and should never ever be used.

Co-workers with Disabilities
• You don’t need to date; your life will be
better without a woman/man causing you
trouble.
Being disabled does not mean the person is
socially challenged.
• You don’t look disabled. Why do you have a
handicapped sticker?
The person may have a non-visible
disability.
• Never refer to a co-worker as a “retard.”
This is an insult to people with mental
disabilities.
• Never refer to a co-worker as handicapped.
Always remember person first. It’s not the
“disabled man.” It’s the man with the
disability.

Hispanic/Latino Co-workers
• You know we should send all of you back
across the border.
Don’t assume because people look
differently or speak differently that they are
not natural-born Americans. Where did
your ancestors come from?
• It is never ever acceptable to refer to a
Hispanic/Latino co-worker as a “spic”
“wetback” or “hot footer.”
This is
derogatory.
• Can you help me out with my landscaping?
Why would you assume that all
Hispanics/Latinos are landscaping experts?
• Can you recommend a good Mexican
Restaurant?
This is stereotyping and shows ignorance.
All Hispanics/Latinos are not Mexicans.

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Asinine and Unabashadly Ignorant

The NY Times had the most useless article today about celebrity weight called " What's the Skinny on Heftier Stars." I'm mobile posting so here's the link, in the unpretty way: http:/www.nytimes.com/2009/04/18/movies/18bulk.html.

Basically the article is like, hmmm, leading men are porkier than they used to be and it seems to be okay? Is it cause all Americans are fat? Is it cause they don't smoke as much as Jimmy Stewart or Cary Grant... Oh and for some reason pudgy ladies arent getting any extra parts when they gain weight! But dont get comfy being a fatty, cause it looks like some of these leading men are getting lean, and isn't that swelll?

Are you kidding me?!!!?! Men have always had different beauty standards, both weight and age wise. Women have weight issues as actresses, but I guess that anorexia isn't as readily "punny" for a title. Smoking is the reason? Seriously, larger men have always had more luck getting films than women- sure it's as the fat funny guy, but come on?! I seriously feel like this article was written by a twelve year old with no cultural context or film knowledge or sense of history or, well, anything. Oh wait, it's a reporter! What was I expecting?!

This article is rife with all sorts of problematic statements about weight issues and sexual value and cultural capital... For both men and women. It's seriously stupid. Gah!

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Out and About

I'm currently at a work conference on museums and the web... I have never been to a museum conference with so many hip-like people or so many twitterers. Kinda weird and intimidating. At first, I felt like I had forgotten all social skills learned in my 28 years... I was shy and certain that people thought I was silly or uncool or awkward. And then I remembered that I'm not in seventh grade anymore and that I'm a frikkin' professional at this with just as much insight as anybody else.

It's quite amazing how deep childhood insecurities go and how they can creep up... How the social mores of our past continue to shape our interactions in unfamiliar settings. Because I was awkward and weird growing up, I was bullied. What I always forget when I close up and get insecure is that the bullying happened because I challenged and subverted the conservative culture that my fellow students lived in and agreed with... and cause I was a geek, I'll admit it. As an adult in the field I'm in, those things are actually often valued and applauded. It's better to be weird here than not. And, as I reminded myself when I got all squidgy, in the end it's better just to get yourself out there instead of wandering around being hard on yourself...

I really think that this week has proven how complacent I've gotten about socializing. I have great friends, but perhaps volunteering or taking a class will help me get back into the "talking to strangers" game. For some peole this has always come naturally, but for me, even though I'm gregarious and energetic, it's a bit harder. I guess practice makes perfect!

Anybody else out there experience this or am I just in need I a lot more therapy?

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Elizabeth and the Tunnel of Doom

So, the boy and I were lucky enough to get purple tickets to the inauguration, got up at the ass-crack of dawn, walked from LeDroit Park, and patiently waited in line. In the 395 tunnel. For four hours.  AND NEVER MADE IT IN. 

Sufficed to say, I'm pissed. I'm sad. I'm angry.  And an apology is not enough.  I won't ever get this experience back... and I'm one of the lucky few who lives in DC, knew where to go when I finally got the fuck out of there, and got home just in time to see the speech.  Thousands of people (way more than the four thousand bullshit number they are throwing out) were in the tunnel behind me and thousands were in front of me and all of us were turned away, many of whom were black Americans who had waited years for this day, never dreaming that it would be possible.  And we couldn't hear a damn word from where we were crammed and jammed and standing.

I want a redo.  And I want it NOW.

PS I have to say, though, that I am still a fairly happy camper... Obama is president, his speech was lovely (loved the shout-out to us non-believers!), I got to go the Mayor's Inaugural Celebration and see T.I. and Wyclef (thanks Em and Paul!!!!!!!!!!!), and Jenn and Tish came into DC for the event, so, I had lots of love and lots of hope.  It's just my hope wasn't floating quite so high after I got out of that damn tunnel...

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First post of 1949...

erm... I mean 2009.

Oh man, that makes this "A Wife if A Personal Blow-Up Doll But With Sadder Eyes" Manifesto even more INSANE... Part One and Part Two (twice the anti-woman fun!!!) for your 21st century reading please!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

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Not Rape

I know that this is a bit heady for what is essentially my "end of the year" post, but I had to put this article up that I found on Jezebel.  It's about "not rape," those experiences of sexual assault, harassment or coercion that many women experience and don't know how (or have the power) to frame.  And that society continues to support by blaming the victim or making excuses because the individuals are otherwise "good" men or by teaching woman not to offend people and speak up.

An excerpt:

Entering our teenage years in the sex saturated '90s, my friends and I knew tons about rape. We knew to always be aware while walking, to hold your keys out as a possible weapon against an attack. We knew that we shouldn't walk alone at night, and if we absolutely had to, we were to avoid shortcuts, dark paths, or alleyways. We even learned ways to combat date rape, even though none of us were old enough to have friends that drove, or to be invited to parties with alcohol. We memorized the mantras, chanting them like a yogic sutra, crafting our words into a protective charm with which to ward off potential rapists: do not walk alone at night. Put a napkin over your drink at parties. Don't get into cars with strange men. If someone tries to abduct you, scream loudly and try to attack them because a rapist tries to pick women who are easy targets.

Yes, we learned a lot about rape.

What we were not prepared for was everything else. Rape was something we could identify, an act with a strict definition and two distinct scenarios. Not rape was something else entirely.

[...]

Not rape came in other many other forms as well. No one escaped - all my friends had some kind of experience with it during their teen years.

Not rape was being pressured into losing your virginity in a swimming pool pump room to keep your older boyfriend happy.

Not rape was waking up in the middle of the night to find a trusted family friend in bed with you - and having nightmares about something that you can't remember during the daylight hours.

Not rape was having your mother's boyfriends ask you for sexual favors.

Not rape was feeling the same group of boys grope you between classes, day after day after day.

Not rape was being twelve years old, having a "boyfriend" who was twenty-four and trading sex for free rides, pocket money, Reeboks, and a place to stay when your mother was tripping.

My friends and I confided in each other, swapping stories, sharing out pain, while keeping it all hidden from the adults in our lives. After all, who could we tell? This wasn't rape - it didn't fit the definitions. This was Not rape. We should have known better. We were the ones who would take the blame. We would be punished, and no one wanted that. So, these actions went on, aided by a cloak of silence.

Not rape was all those other little things that we experienced everyday and struggled to learn how to deal with those situations. In those days, my ears were filled with secrets that were not my own, the confessions of not rapes experienced by the girls I knew then and the women I know now.

So, not to be a party pooper, but I think this was good food for thought.  May all of us be harbingers of peace and kindness next year...  and have a great 2009!

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quick life update for those that care

we still don't have the heat in the house resolved, we're still sleeping on the floor, we still can't get the couch upstairs, and i'm still an anxiety monster. oo, and we're dogsitting an 80 lb boxer with a uti, i have bronchitis, and, did i mention, i'm still grumpy?

but soon (please GOD, soon!) i'll be able to start on the nuts and bolts of the house (the rest of the toilets, paint, unpacking) and i'll post some pictures.

okay, update over.

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also

i know that it's been a while since i posted and these last two seem like random items, but can i just say that i'm not happy that obama picked larry summers as his chief economic advisor??? i don't care how good you are with money, when you say that women just can't be as smart at science as men, i stop listening to everything you say and then the economy falls apart since i buy a lot of shit... or, am i really not listening because economics is math and math is science and I'M JUST TOO GENETICALLY STUPID TO GET IT?!?!?!?!?!? GAH!!!!

let me just say that i knew that obama would do lots of things to piss me off, even before i voted for him. i mean, he's a centrist and i'm a scary socialist commie feminazi... but, i still have hope because he is not his voters or his cabinet or even, all of his votes. the world is complicated and i'm willing to buy into that for a while longer. besides, michelle is AWESOME and if she likes him, well, perhaps i'll let him pass just this once. and on fisa. and on clinton. and on... crap, i'm sad now. look at pictures of him with kids again to make it alright!



whew, crisis of faith averted.

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Rejection!

So, we moved today... which was not so awesome.  But, hey, it's done!  However, my house has passed judgment on our boxspring and our couch--NONE SHALL PASS!!!!  Or at least, not fit up the stairs... so, I guess that means we have to find new solutions... However, my house did accept (through open front doors while unpacking the truck) a crazy drunk lady who rudely demanded pizza, money from my friends, and called my husband an asshole because we wouldn't give her a second piece of pizza or thirty cents.  She didn't have meth face or crack teeth and had really nice clothes on, so I'm hoping she was possessed by the pizza devil?  At the very least, I hope she's not a regular. Though she did offer $3 a month to rent a room in the house and who can pass up that sweet of a deal?

Welcome to the neighborhood!

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