Midweek Feminist Brainfood

Here are a couple of great videos passed to me by awesome, thoughtful, feminist friends. The first one, which is a bit long, but sooo worth it, is about the danger of "the single story" in narrowing our narratives about other people and places. The other is about how changing the way that women and girls are treated in this world will help change humanity for the better.

Read More...

Judging a Book By Its Cover

I honestly don't think that I need to say anything about this video. I really think that the individuals in it speak for their ignorance just fine without me chirping in. Rebutting their claims that "fascism, socialism, and communism are all the same thing" is pointless...besides, I've already tried it before. Just watch and be appalled--as the boy said, "I really hope that this represents the lowest common denominator in our country or we're in trouble."

Read More...

The Chronicles of Higher Education

Well, loyal readers, I have an announcement to make: I am rebooting my long-term life goals starting NOW! Actually, I've been slowing building inertia by doing some tiny bits of research and setting up meetings with old professors, but it's way more fun to make an exciting declarative statement, no? Anyhoo... What, you might be asking yourself, is this long-term life goal? Well, it's to become Elizabeth, Ph.D., Dr. Lizzy, Professor Betsy. That's right, to go BACK TO SCHOOL!!! Woooooooo!

Well, to be honest it's more than to "just" go back to school... ...it's to finally take the next step in doing the work I've always dreamed of doing, to help the public better understand our history and our society in order to better make informed decisions in our own lives. I currently work in museum exhibitions, which obviously meets this long-term goal, but although I've been able to research and write and comment on curatorial matters (even curated one traveling exhibition), I'm not a "curator." I'm not the lead intellectual voice. I'm not overseeing the development of a collection and working to make sure that it has the best artifacts, the most interesting materials, the best research to tell the most interesting (at least, to me) stories. In order to do this or to develop documentaries or write academic books or teach at a university, I need to go back and get my Ph.D. and further my training. I need to become a professional historian so that I can spend my time analyzing popular culture in a respected public forum, instead of doing it for shits and giggles, like I do now.

Now, this isn't a spur-of-the-moment sort of a thing... If you know me personally, you probably already know that I can't remember a time in my life where I didn't think I was going to go get my Ph.D. I've been saying it for years and years... but, I'm honestly really glad that I took the time to get my masters and work for a while, to be a professional figuring out what I'm good at, what skills I need to work on, what my passions truly are. When I applied to grad programs during college I had no idea what I was doing, I had no clue that I clearly had a common thread in all of my papers, and how to find the best place for those interests. I also certainly didn't know how to articulate what I wanted because I'd never had to do what I didn't like, out here, in the "real world." I'm an adult now and I make adult decisions, for myself and for others. I think the path I've taken is going to make me a stronger candidate and a better historian when all is said and done, so I'm happy with the path that I've made, even the choices made out of pure worry...

However, after thinking long and hard about the fact that I'm not really ready to face rejection and that, in the past, I've tended to go at things out of anxiety instead of out of resolve, I'm taking it really slow. I'm meeting with old professors, I'm researching schools, I'm retaking my GRE, I'm updating an old paper with some new research for my writing sample, I'm going to catch up on readings in the field and try to find out who I really want to work with and hopefully start a dialogue with them... and I'm going to give myself until next year's deadline to do this instead of this January. Sure, that means I wouldn't be starting this a program until Fall 2011, but it also means that I will be able to absorb and live everything I'm doing in order to be the strongest candidate I possibly can be. And that I'm making the best informed decision that anyone can make in a situation with so many unknowns. Sure, I can get applications in on time, but will they be reflective of what I want in life or will they be artifacts of my fretful need to get it done? I mean, I still have to decide if staying in DC is what I want, if working where I am is practical (much less the right thing for me), if I want to do a history program or a cinema studies program or an American studies program, or if I'm willing to go to the best programs for me even if they are in California or Texas or Michigan... I'm not going to lose all of the really hard work I've done to get healthy and to be an active participant in my own life just because I'm super excited for something to start. That's the old Elizabeth and, while I've lived a happy life in general, I haven't always lived a full one.

For once, when making a life-changing decision, I honestly think it's okay to be a bit cautious. Although, it seems I've always known what I wanted to be when I grew up, it just took me a little while to figure out who I wanted to be while doing it. I know myself well enough now to know the difference between feeling the need to get moving because of excitement versus taking action because of my mental illness. If I'm going to make it through 6 or 7 years of really difficult emotional, political, and intellectual work, only to spend the next 5 years shuffled from 1-year academic appointment to 1-year academic appointment, I'd better have damn well made sure it was worth it! 'Cause I think I've finally grown up enough to know that I'm worth getting what I want.

Read More...

Living Versus Enjoying

While one might argue that my recent exhibition for work* is an expression of my inner Harry Potter fan, I tend to look at it only as a career opportunity, albeit a fun one. I prefer to keep my fangirl love to myself and close friends and snarky blogs. I enjoy it...I don't LIVE it. I don't make costumes, or write fanfiction, or listen to podcasts, or go to cons.

Until now.

As part of the outreach push of the exhibition, I went to my very first "con" this weekend, for Harry Potter, obviously. I spent most of the time working--telling everyone and their fellow wizards about the project in hopes that they would go to the website or tell their friends to visit it when it travels to a local library near them. The rest of the time, I admit I was a bit, well... flustered. I was surrounded by people who LIVED their love. They wanted to share their passion with others through music, role-play, fic readings, costumes and balls, and scholarly-style sessions. It was equal shares embarrassing, inspiring, silly and fun. A part of me wishes that I was the sort of person who could immerse myself like they did, so fully in something they love even if mainstream society thinks it's trivial. Another part of me tried very hard to clearly demarcate myself from the attendees. I was there as a scholar and a professional, sharing my project with a vested audience--I wasn't of the audience. Finally, I was jealous of the younger people at the conference, who seemed a bit more like "funky" or "regular" kids (with social skills!) than their older counterparts did, many of whom were, let's face it, nerdy. This younger generation grew up, literally, with Harry. He was a common cultural touchstone for them and was nothing to be ashamed of. Kinda like Star Wars for my generation, except gender-inclusive with more than just a braless Princess for girls to relate to. For many of the older attendees, Harry Potter was something we either allowed into our lives as an engrossing read we constantly had to explain to our peers or we instantly embraced because it was similar to our other fandoms, such as D&D or Buffy or Ren Faires or Mercedes Lackey, etc. Let's face it, loving Harry Potter ten years ago as a 35-year-old isn't the same as growing up reading Harry... and now playing lead guitar in a Wizard Rock (Wrock) band at shows attended by everyone from football jocks to science nerds.

So, why did I feel this way? Why did I feel like such a... a... a SNOB?!? Is it because when I was an adolescent teen, I was a fangirl who was ostracized by most of my peers? Is this the same feeling I experience 15-years-ago that beat out of me all displays of geek love so that I could better socially integrate...even convincing me to get rid of all evidence of my interests, from my Star Trek micro-machines, to my Death of Superman comics, to my Star Wars books, to my X-Men trading cards? (Ah, still soooo sad about not having any of these anymore!). I want to know because I certainly don't want to look down on people who are expressing themselves, just like I hated how that made me feel back when I was growing up. Today, I take pride in my nerdfests, in my knowledge of Trek, Lucasfilm, and Harry Potter; it's one of my defining characteristics. Or, at least until this con, I thought that it was. Am I really just a fair-weather fan? A half-hearted lover of geek? Am I still unable to truly be myself?

Or...were these people just not my people, even though we had common interests? Was this event simply not the way that I best express my inner fan? Is it okay to totally applaud people who are fanboys and fangirls, but to not feel comfortable being "out" as one with conferences, costumes, and fanfic communities? Perhaps my continued desire for a career with an academic interpretation of popular culture is the way that I personally feel free expressing my passion for tv, comics, media, and film... Perhaps instead of making a costume, I write papers and do research? Not quite as fun to wear, but there you have it...

Regardless, I have to say that I am very glad that I went and not just because of the warm embrace everyone had for my project. I met some AMAZING people, who were open and friendly and fun. I was allowed to witness** the oft-times intricate and creative ways that people express themselves and live their inspirations. I'm not sure if I'm one of them, but I'm certainly glad they allowed me to pretend, if only for a weekend.***


*I haven't given specifics, and won't either, on this public site. Though this post is a bit of a cross, I prefer to keep this blog anonymous as possible for professional purposes. You know, with big brother watching and all :)
**I'm not posting any pictures, 'cause I don't want to objectify these people... Google Harry Potter + conference and you'll get a good idea...
***Check out Lev Grossman's blog for TIME on this subject--he was there too.

Read More...

And... Pause!

Life has been very busy for me lately... or for the last six years since I moved to DC, actually... I got a masters degree, had several jobs, got hitched, lost family members and a good friend to illness, moved a mazillion times and then bought a house, fixed up (mostly) said house, worked hardcore on my OCD, discovered acupuncture, made new friends, hung out with old friends, became an auntie, and dreamt about the next steps in my life... In the next year I hope to finish fixing up the house, publish a couple of articles that I'm working on, start going back to school to get my Ph.D., keep getting healthy, and continue to be present in my life instead of being a big ball of squidgy.

This part of my life have been in parts amazing and horrible (sometimes at the same time), and it's sometimes unclear how I'm supposed to process it all... But I'm one of those people that really tries to look at life not as a set path towards a specific destination. I like to think of it more like a discovery--you chart your course and follow the path as it leads you, often to something surprising and unexpected. There's no one right way to live your life or to define yourself. Sometimes the most amazing experiences happen when you accidentally veer off course. I admit that it's hard to keep this perspective with a mental illness that's all about trying to control the unknown, but I really do feel like I'm beginning to get the hang of this stuff... I'm much better about saying "no" to things I don't want to do, taking responsibility for my own happiness and not for others', and for knowing when to say "stop." Oh, and saying "yes" to the unknown. Like surfing. That's right. S-U-R-F-I-N-G. On a vacation. That I didn't take ANY work on... That I just relaxed at and did what I wanted to do because I wanted to do it, with amazing friends, natch! And it was AWESOME! I had so much fun, even if I fell off the board and never really "stood" up... Sidenote: can you say "learned to surf" if you never successfully apply the techniques? Survey says...YES!

This is me being present as I fall off my board and under the surf. I got bruised knees. It was AWESOME!



This is the beach where I finally pushed my (much-needed) "pause" button. A vacation with no other purpose than to vacay. No weddings to witness, no family to visit, no conferences to attend, just going for the sake of it.




Say it with me: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Read More...

Change Begins at Home?

"I am offering a vision for my country,” Ibrahim said. “I am telling my people that they are worth fighting for."

One of my old University of Missouri history professors, Professor Abdullahi Ali Ibrahim (who, btw, I really enjoyed and thought had a great spirit), is retiring this year. However, instead of enjoying leisure time, he is returning to his native Sudan to run for President. A life-long activist, Ibrahim hopes to help bring peace to the country... I wish him all the luck that I have to spare, and more, as it doesn't look like anything fair will be happening in Sudan anytime soon... Though, Ibrahim thinks I'm wrong, and I sincerely hope he's right:

To Ibrahim, Johnson is simply another negative thinker who is writing off Sudan’s ability to hold legitimate elections based on past precedents.

“This is the same apathy I see in Sudan – that nothing is going to happen,” he said. "The election that brought Bashir last time – this was not an election. This was completely controlled by the government. This was a one-man show."

This time, Ibrahim is sure things will be different. Because the Naivasha Agreement was an internationally brokered peace deal, he expects that the involvement of foreign governments will ensure that the 2010 election will be run fairly and provide a new direction for the country's ailing political system.

"The election is going to be the way to establish democracy and to see to the implementation of these nation-forming charters [of the Naivasha Agreement]," he said. “If (the National Congress Party) would rig it, we would fight it.”

Here's a quick video:

Read More...

I can't post this video because it's way too... too

So, this video of Israeli-Americans and their opinions of Obama is extremely upsetting and, sadly, not so shocking.  I especially love the kid that shouts "White Power"--um, buddy, the "White Power" guys would cut you if they had an opportunity.  Is this ironic or just oblivious?  I'm never sure of that definition...

Anyhow, I know that for a lot of a people the Israel/Arab conversation is a hot-button issue, and rightly so, for both sides.  Any time where people are suffering and dying and committing acts of violence towards others is obviously not a good thing.  Neither side, in my opinion, has clean hands.*  But, the vitriol and sense of entitlement shown in these young people is inexcusable and certainly doesn't give me much faith in the situation finding a peaceful, reasonable solution that values the human rights of all people.**

http://gawker.com/5279556/some-young-jews-are-not-fans-of-obama

*And, before you post a reactive comment, no, I'm not anti-Israel and pro-Palestinian.  I'm not anti-Semitic or a secret Muslim-hater (or lover) because I think both sides have valid points and both sides have committed unreasonable acts of violence.  I'm not for or against any one side, other than that of all humans and the protection of everyone's basic rights to live in a safe area and have access to nutritious food, clean water, and housing. 

**Also, I know that's a bit reactive, but I was upset by the video. Just like I know, from personal experience, that the racist, idiot words of the idiot rednecks don't represent the values of ALL Southerners, I get that there are a lot of Israelis and Jews that find what these dumbasses said abhorrent...

Read More...

Gah! Kids These Days!

So, I saw this article in the NY Times (www.nytimes.com/2009/05/24/dining/24interns.html) about highly educated kids grabbing onto the new local food/organic farming trend and couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of some of the damn "activist" kids! Also, since I grew up in a multi-generational farm family, I'm probably a bit annoyed that it just now matters to people because it's trendy... So I'm sure this is a bit reactive... Ah, well!

So, basically the kids said:

1. Farming is hard!

I mean, who knew that farmers don't make much money or have access to entertainment technology or housing for their farmhands, much less for themselves?!? I mean, until I read about it in a food-trend book, it wasn't true, right?!?

2. Farmers aren't political enough!

Seriously, how dare they not do everything to the perspective and worldview of someone who has been at a liberal arts college for the last three years instead of making decisions based on the pressures of agribusiness monopolies, feeding their families, or paying their mortages in a society that hasn't given a shit about them until it was cool to actually buy the food from the farmers face to face? Tres chic!!!

3. I wish I'd been born in the 60s so I could be a part of a cool hip social movement!

Dude!!! Like, come the fuck on! Wishing you had been around to help change the past because lots did it back then means you are less about change and activism and more about you and your ego... Like a LOT of privelaged "activists" I met in college and beyond. Real change and activism isn't about realizing it's happening and feeling swell about yourself, it's about doing it regardless because it matters! Now that a bunch of sheep think that taking care of, well, sheep, matters, we're all special and care and aren't we AWESOME!!! It's harmful like the people who held (and still hold) the 50s up as some sort of magical era of perfection (if you were white, had money, and were a man or enjoyed a man telling you what to do) and fought the 60s tooth and nail. Nostalgia does no one any good! Change the world for the sake of what's right, not your identity or status.

I mean...

Of course I think that the more people who understand farms, the better. I also think that the farm fresh, local food movement is also important, economically, environmentally, and socially. And I know that a lot of these kids are young and will hopefully learn a lot about themselves and other lifestyles, no matter where their intentions started. I just worry, from my own personal interactions, about the exoticising or fetishing of activism and social movements where it ends up being about selfish ego and status, instead of for other people...

But, I guess anything that gets people out there, doing something, instead of being apathetic, is good...

I'm still going to roll my eyes, though, when you say dumb things!

Read More...

Out and About

I'm currently at a work conference on museums and the web... I have never been to a museum conference with so many hip-like people or so many twitterers. Kinda weird and intimidating. At first, I felt like I had forgotten all social skills learned in my 28 years... I was shy and certain that people thought I was silly or uncool or awkward. And then I remembered that I'm not in seventh grade anymore and that I'm a frikkin' professional at this with just as much insight as anybody else.

It's quite amazing how deep childhood insecurities go and how they can creep up... How the social mores of our past continue to shape our interactions in unfamiliar settings. Because I was awkward and weird growing up, I was bullied. What I always forget when I close up and get insecure is that the bullying happened because I challenged and subverted the conservative culture that my fellow students lived in and agreed with... and cause I was a geek, I'll admit it. As an adult in the field I'm in, those things are actually often valued and applauded. It's better to be weird here than not. And, as I reminded myself when I got all squidgy, in the end it's better just to get yourself out there instead of wandering around being hard on yourself...

I really think that this week has proven how complacent I've gotten about socializing. I have great friends, but perhaps volunteering or taking a class will help me get back into the "talking to strangers" game. For some peole this has always come naturally, but for me, even though I'm gregarious and energetic, it's a bit harder. I guess practice makes perfect!

Anybody else out there experience this or am I just in need I a lot more therapy?

Read More...

Babies IN the Brain

So, I just got back from visiting my sister and my newborn nephew, Matty, who is the cutest, most awesomest baby ever in the history of EVER!  Gah, I want to nom nom him all day long...

However, spending all week helping take care of him, failing (albeit trying valiantly) to get him to take a bottle, not really sleeping (also partially because sis has shotime on demand and I caught up on Weeds), and cooking FIVE MILLIONS POUNDS of food, I'm still in "faux-mommy" mode.  I swear, last night I had the insanest dream where I fell asleep on the baby.  I proceeded to wake up in a panic, frantically feeling around the bed for him and then flipped out because there was no baby... BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A BABY!!!

Anyhow, that's about all that's going on in my life... I've had tons of houseguests and will have many more over the next couple of months, even though the house isn't finished yet.  We are soooo close to being done but if feels like it won't ever happen and we'll never see our rehab loan check, but I guess the good news is we're actually living in the house instead of just occupying it. 

Read More...