Fool Me Once...

Okay, so apparently this "special edition" DVD sctick is the new black.

LOTR (Lord of the Rings for those of you not cool enough to be in the abbreviation know) is now being released with the theatrical version on one side and the extended on the other... after many people (ahem, Allison) bought both anyhow. Mainly because they (ahem, Allison) just couldn't wait the three months for the extended release. I don't think I'll be getting this as I'm fine and dandy with giving away an extra hour of my time to watch my extended versions. Who wouldn't want more time with hobbits?

Also, and more likely to affect my bank account, Superman is getting a new box set, "The Christopher Reeve Superman Collection." This makes me a tad less angry to purchase because included in the set is Richard Donner's original cut of Superman II! We'll get to see exactly how that green crystal gave Superman back his powers instead of just going, sure, okay, have you ever noticed how blue Christopher Reeve's eyes are?! Plus it has more Marlon Brando as Jor-El and that automatically makes this version better. "Stella!!!!!" Ooop, I mean, "Kal-el!!!!" Also I never bought III and IV in the first place, so I'll at least be able to proudly display those gems in my film collection. *Cough Cough being sarcastic Cough Cough*

Go here if you want to a detailed play by play of how Donner's version is different from the theatrical release we all know and love.

And yes, I was much more likely to be friends with boys than date them when I was younger. Shut up.

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Lazy Bones

I didn't end up going to half of the things I had planned this week... Work was just too overloaded; I was too tired and a huge emotional mess. My grandpa had two heart attacks this week. He's fine for now, but it really blows. I had a pretty good rest of the weekend, though, considering. Played Nintendo and ate some pizza with a good friend Saturday...confirmed that I really suck at video games. My mom wouldn't let me play when I was a kid, so I never got much practice. She said I was "too anxious" a child to play. That I would take it too seriously and become emotionally dependent on winning. Instead, I'm still an anxious person, I suck at a skill all my peers mastered, and I get embarrassed when playing. So good job, Mom, you were totally right on! I actually told her all of this recently (she reads my blog so I have to be fair to her) and she still stands by her decision. And other than this one little thing, I turned out basically alright, no?!

Other than gaming I just loafed about. Spent most of today reading several of the magazines/journals I'm getting now. Ever since I finished grad school, I've been in a reading craze and just ordered stuff en masse: Bust, Bitch, Mother Jones, Vogue, Vanity Fair, Magnet, Museum News, Curator, Journal of Popular Culture, American Quarterly, etc. etc. etc. Good thing growing up I got lots of practice at reading while all the other kids were playing Mario Bros. Love you Mom!!!

The one event I did make it to is the only one that sucked. I went to a bar on Friday in Dupont with some old friends (all over the age of 30, several with kids or kiddies on the way) and I couldn't drink. The boy had my driver's license (he was making a copy of it for our car insurance claim) and the ABC people were on the block. I'm obviously not under 21 anymore people! I mean, it's not like I need to drink to have fun with my girls (like everyone says), but who am I kidding. I really wanted a drink. It was nice to see my girls' claws come out for me; they were determined to get me to drink. When ordering one for themselves and passing it on to me was called out for what it was, Barbara began harassing our waiter and loudly too. Every time he asked us how we were doing, she would yell at him about how he had ruined our whole night and keep yelling as he walked away. I thought he might flip out. Gotta love that lady. She's a spitfire. I ended up staying pretty late and even though one of my mates snuck me some bourbon for my diet Coke, I was blacklisted for the whole night. Even regulars, people that have gone to this bar every night for the last 10 years, couldn't get drinks if they were seen with me beforehand... seriously. Apparently, fascism is alive and well in many parts of DC and not just near Lafayette Square. I know, I know, law law law...and total misuse of the word fascism, but all I wanted was a G&T people! Sigh.


During this little melee, however, the thought did cross my mind that perhaps this is a sign from above to do a little less imbibing in the future. Truth be told, I've actually decided to cut back on the booze and other unhealthy life habits (read: chips, oven pizzas, take out). The past year has been so chaotic and I'm finally settled into my new job, house, pay scale... All the good habits I gained over the years (cooking, running, taking my vitamins) went down the drain during graduate school. It was eating whatever I could find, wherever I could find it, when I could find the time. Followed by a lot of diet Coke. Or beer. I haven't gained much weight, but I just don't feel as alert and healthy as I used to. I know that a lot of people have the philosophy that we only get one life, so live it up. I tend to be more of the thought that I only have one life and I'd rather not feel like crap during it. I don't want to get cancer at a young age, or have diabetes, or liver failure, or be a whale of an old lady. I'm 25 and I've already lost several good friends. I know that anything can happen. I don't want to fuck this body up because of something so ephemeral as booze or Doritoes.

Now, don't take this the wrong way. It's not like I'm becoming some sort of crunchy, granola health freak... or a straight edge. I got shivers just writing that... I just want to be more conscious of what I'm putting in my body, like I did before this city and graduate school took over all my energy. I'm still going to go out, probably more than now since I'll be less run down. I'm still going to get a beer when I do and I'm still going to eat popcorn when I go to the movies. I'll just make sure I don't drink every night I go out and I'll order a smaller size of kernels. But still with butter, of course. Moderation, people, that's all I'm saying. And now that I know where I'm living for a while and who's writing my paychecks, I can finally settle down and get back to making my life instead of reacting to it.

Now if only I'd been in a moderation state of mind before I ordered all those journals and magazines... and when writing run-on sentences. Oy.

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I can't help but love that man of mine...

I just spent $50 buying something I already have. And no, it's not some clothing item that I love love loooooooove so I'm getting it in all the rainbow shades available to my mass consumer hands. It's actually DVDs. Why, you ask, would a sane person buy duplicates of movies? One for the condo and one for the private jet perhaps? No, we all know that's not why. So what could it be?

The answer?

George Lucas is a twat. You heard me. A twat. After swearing, SWEARING, that he would never ever in a billion years a long time ago in a galaxy far far away release the theatrical versions of the Star Wars trilogy*, I bought the "enhanced version" set of the films. My logic was that these were better than ruining my original VHS versions. If I just needed a Star Wars fix, these DVDs would do.

And now? Now, Mr. "I have so much money stuffed in my neck I can make any movie I want exactly how it is in my head" has decided to make MORE money off us sad Star Wars junkies and release the original versions. The kicker? Disc 1 is the "enhanced version" of the films... THE ONES I ALREADY BOUGHT LAST YEAR!!!!!* Now I have two copies of the fucked-up Star Wars movies, all so I could get the wonderful, perfect movies* I wanted in the first place. Lucky me.

So thank you, George. I hope you're happy with all of my money. Oh yeah, and a bit of sage advice I've learned along the way:

Just because you can do it doesn't mean you should.

*Note I don't say "original trilogy." I'm sure you can surmise the reason behind that without a footnote. I just felt like doing one since I haven't written an academic paper in a while. I like footnotes. They are a geek's crack.
*Okay, I got them for XMAS, so technically I didn't "buy" them the first time... and this time I used a gift card my old coworkers gave me when I went to my new job... so none of my greens this time either... but the point still holds true, dammnit!
*Because it was created at a time when George Lucas couldn't do everything in his head. Apparently limitations are a good thing for old Georgie Peorgie.

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Wizard People, Dear Reader

I recently added a statcounter to my blog to see if I had any readers. Well, I do, including some regulars. Hello Indianapolis! Hello Kansas City! Hello Boston! Hello D.C.! Hello St. Louis!

But, my other loyal readers, who are you? I know your general locations, but not your names or who you are. I know, slight skeevy... I feel almost like I'm borderline stalking you even though you know all about my life and I have no idea who you are. Are we friends? Did we meet at a party? Have we ever made out? Did you randomly come across my blog and were just plain ole' smitten with my sardonic wit?

Go on, dear readers, leave some comments! Let me know I'm not standing up here on open mic night, staring out into the bright stage lights, hearing nothing but crickets. But, if you'd rather remain an anonymous unrequited lover (or secret hater), I promise I'll understand.

Kisses and Hugs.

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Lazy Hazy End of Summer Days

I'm not leaving my house at all this weekend. I'm not drinking any booze. I'm not using an alarm when I get up. I'm going to screen most of my calls... I am going to vegetate and detox and watch LOTS of television. Okay, I need to clean the kitchen and do laundry, but I don't have to shower for that. But I am going to get gobs of needed sleep, rest my brain, and prepare for my whirlwind week.

Itinerary:

Work:

Find English speaker in Spanish-speaking country to locate important Central American peace treaty.

Write 5 billion emails (like always) to beg beg beg people to a) respond to our pleas for help b) actually tell us what neat shit they have for an exhibit.

Enter about 1000 items into database...so not happening.

Meet with consultants (again) for new custom database.

Meetings, meetings, meetings!

Exhibition deadline, exhibition deadline, exhibition deadline!

Figure out where that damn brass fixture I found goes in the exhibition...it looks vaguely familiar...

And that's just what I have planned... no accounting for the constant "Elizabeth... do you know if we have or can you or what is (fill in blank)?"s I get.

And I'm sure I have post-its all over my desk with other things I have to do that I've totally not logged in my brain yet. It's true, I'm very important.

Personal Life:

MU Alumni event at the Capitol... might be fun. Might be lots of older people. 50/50 chance it'll be fun. Well, 70/30 if there's good food and cocktails...

Kickball!!! At a new field in Dupont area, with lights. Which my team doesn't even need because we got the kick-ass neon fugly green shirts! We glowed in the dark last week, people. I'm so not kidding.

Grocery shopping is on this list somewhere...

Happy Hour at Fox and Hound with my ladies-who-drink from WWH. One lovely lady is back in town so gaiety all around. And lots of gin and tonics.

Kickball party. Pre-gaming with Nintendo at the ol' Rowhouse. Minus: the bar is one frequented by GW undergrads and men who wear their polo collars flipped up
Plus: $10 open bar. So in DC, that adds up to about 2 beers at normal price. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me. Plus, I think the Adams-Morgan kickball crowd is essentially taking over the party spot. So hopefully the popped collars will all be worn ironically. One can only dream...

Housewarming party in Arlington. A good friend just finished rennovating her Bungalow. Probably get to see lots of people haven't seen in a while and enjoy the lower relative humidity levels of the Summer/Fall cusp.

Oh yeah, and finding time to write snarky blogs... That has to fit in somewhere.

I'm sure to a lot of you this isn't a super busy week... you probably go out every night after work, which of course, was filled with only a 15 minute break to smoke a cigarette, eat a cracker, and pee. But even though work is always busy for me, my weeknights are usually spent at home cooking and reading... I have kickball once a week and maybe go to a movie, get dinner with someone downtown, or to a show. Maybe. But this week I have something marked in my calendar for every night.

I guess it keeps me young, always being on my toes. And also slightly dizzy.

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Like I said...

People will do anything regarding 9/11 if it makes them money...




From the makers:

This historic 2-piece memorial transforms into a magnificent standing sculpture of the Twin Towers, and is clad in 24 KT gold and .999 Pure Silver recovered from Ground Zero!

This groundbreaking non-monetary issue will never be released for circulation. Now, it is available through this special private minting for collectors only!

This truly unique commemorative is created using two distinct struck pieces. First, a traditional round planchet is struck with frosted relief on a mirror-like background. Then, a magnificently engraved skyline featuring the Twin Towers is struck separately and fitted into the background. This World Trade Center skyline can be removed and inserted into a slot on the face of the commemorative. The effect is dazzling -- it is literally transformed into a standing sculpture of the Twin Towers! The World Trade Center skyline is lavishly clad in gleaming silver that was miraculously recovered from a bank vault found under tons of debris at Ground Zero. Now, to mark the fifth anniversary, the same silver that was reclaimed from the destruction has been used to cover the magnificent Twin Towers depicted in the 2001-2006 World Trade Center Commemorative. The stunning design of this magnificent September 11th memorial is a 15 mg. of 24 KT gold and 15 mg. of .999 pure silver clad tribute to all who were lost on that fateful day. $5 of every commemorative order is donated to official 9/11 family charities and memorials.

Oh, well that makes me feel better... a whole, huge, whopping $5 of your $29.95 (plus S&H) will go to help the families and charities of 9/11.

Sigh.

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Wash, Rinse, Repeat

Proof positive that my paranoia about blogging at work is not unfounded.

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Why I get my news from Mother Jones

Pull up a chair, grab some popcorn, turn on your computer and... watch one of the most horrific days in American history ALL OVER AGAIN!

That's right, CNN is showing the original coverage of the 9/11 attacks all day Monday to commemorate the 5th Anniversary. Cause the first time wasn't enough!? Seriously, is this CNN's idea of a tribute? It's journalism at its worst--tapping into the voyeurism of Americans...most who weren't even directly affected by the attacks. Well, except their loss of civil liberties, but they don't seem to care about that. Although I didn't move to DC until two years after the attacks, every day I'm cognizant that I'm in one of the most targeted cities in the world and not just by Al-Queda. There are lots of radicals that hate the American government... Even with this admittedly tenuous connection, I still recognize this brazen attempt to cash in on the basest of American sentiments-emotional glee when watching "sensational" events. People love to watch awful things, cry, and then pat themselves on the back for recognizing the poignancy of the event.

Perhaps this is really unfair and cynical, but it's honestly my first reaction. I'm sure there are better ways a multi-billion dollar news network could honor those lost on 9/11. Like, say, an investigation into why the war in Afghanistan is now the war in Iraq? Why our ports, borders, and airports aren't necessarily safer than they were 5 years ago? Why the hell we have Saddam Hussein in custody but not Osama bin Laden? Why has "9/11" turned into justification for the erosion of basic Constitutional rights? I personally believe answering these questions would be a more fitting commemoration than watching those towers collapse all over again.

Besides, as a friend pointed out, it would be a completely different thing if it were Fox News. I mean, what more can you expect from them?

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The Duggars Have Captured Your Hearts...

Since I've noticed some resurgeance in both Duggar news (via Discovery Channel) and views of my vintage Duggar post, I have decided to repost the blog below so those not yet acquainted with this lovely family of God can too bask in the glory that is the Duggars.

Enjoy.

Oops... the Duggars Did Again

and Again and Again and Again...

For those of you who aren't blessed enough to know of the Duggars, they are a Northwest Arkansas family (where I grew up) who have 16 children. Yep, that's right. As of 6:30am this morning, the Duggar brood numbers 16. And what's most interesting/scary/mind-boggling/weird/pickwhateverwordyouwant is that every child's name begins with the letter J. I'm not kidding. There's Joshua, 17; John David, 15; Janna, 15; Jill, 14; Jessa, 12; Jinger, 11; Joseph, 10; Josiah, 9; Joy-Anna, 8; Jeremiah, 6; Jedidiah, 6; Jason, 5; James, 4; Justin, 2; Jackson Levi, 1; and now Johannah. And their dad's name? You guessed it, Jim Bob. Poor mom, her name is Michelle. She's so left out. Other than the fact that she's birthing a baby every 9 months. And according to Jim Bob, they are ready to start for another, if God blesses them again. I quote: "We both just love children. I have asked Michelle if she wants more, and she said yes, if the Lord wants to give us some she will accept them."

I first became aware of the Duggars when Jim Bob ran for US Senate in 2002. He had previously been elected as a state representative by the good people of NW Arkansas and dreamt of bigger and better things. So, he sent a card to EVERYONE in the mail, knowing in his heart that the people of Arkansas would embrace him.



Now many of you are thinking, well of course Arkansas would LOVE this guy! I mean, look at his nice, Christian family... Look at how they are combating the falling white birth rate singlehandely! Look at their matching outfits--they must be a great jug band! Arkansans love jug bands like they love fried chicken, right? Sadly, too many of you have an incorrect idea of Arkansas and it's constintuents. Yes, the majority of Arkansans (I'm not speaking for myself, of course, being a socialist and all) love white, Christian men with strong values who tend toward the conservative side. Or are Bill Clinton. But there is such a thing as going too far for us and the Duggars do that... in more than one way. Wink wink, hint hint, say no more.

Don't believe me, the Arkansan expatriate living in D.C.? Well, here's the viewpoint from an Arkansas blog:

Oh lordy, I tried my best to pass up this blog....just let it go.....leave it be. But it's just simply too delicious. First all, my 2 kids just love the Duggar's, or at least the concept of a Duggar. They regularly scan the news, looking for something new, usually of the flesh variety, at the Duggar Barracks.

They use the name to describe many as in, the dog has fleas as thick as Duggar's. Or we have enough cookies to feed the Duggar's. The term Duggar used to mean 15, which came off as , how much money will it cost, hon? Duggar's daddy, so I'd know to spool out 15 bucks. Now I'll have to keep a bunch of 1's around in order to hand out 16 bucks.

Also if my wife and I disappear upstairs one of the kids will holler Duggar at us when we come back down. Man, I wish! And it made getting our oldest girl on birth control pills last month easier by reasoning that it would be best for our family if she didn't goof up and Duggar by accident. We tell her she'll have lots of time to Duggar in the future. Duggaring is natural, Duggaring is good, not everybody does it, but everybody should.

And we remind her that to be a good parent means at least 20 years of care and worry 24/7 for each Duggar. Let's see, 16 times 20 = 320 years. ...Hope Michelle takes her vitamins, she's got to live a long long time. And honestly, what's one more kid after you have 15? I say give the ole girl a few days to rest up and then let's get those legs back up in the air. My new motto is Make Duggar's, Not War!

So, what's the moral of this story? That Arkansans are just like the rest of the country thinks we are--dumb, ignorant, racist, Christian freaks with Pentecostal hair and matching doilie dresses? Yes, but at least we, including our most famous native son Bill Clinton, Duggar a lot!

For those of you who are interested in learning more about the Duggar way of life, here is a link to the family's website. They will even answer your yearning questions! Or you can just watch them on the Discovery Channel or the Learning Channel. Yes, they have shows about their life.

God, no wonder people make fun of Arkansas.

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Urban Myths

My long weekend was DEFINITELY not long enough. That's probably my own fault. I give, it is my own fault... During a MarioKart tournament on Saturday I had one drink (okay, okay, two) too many. Why didn't anyone warn me? Okay, you're right, why didn't anyone tell me to listen to the warnings?! Anyhow, I spent most of Sunday feeling sorry for myself (and, not to mention, old) and watching Quantum Leap (old again).
Monday was really great: my boss had a bunch of people over for brunch and then the boy and I went to get some beer with a coworker and her partner. And in doing so overturned a third urban myth of the District...enough for a bona-fide list!

Urban Myths of DC Uncovered!

1) DC apartment buildings (in Dupont, no less) do go co-op! I know someone! Not someone who knows someone who knows someone who this happened to in the 80s, but someone right now!
2) A permanent parking space. Not in a massive "urban" condo building garage. But in the rowhouse neighborhoods of NW. And off-street. The kicker? It's mine! Too bad I have no car...

Finally, the new addition...

3) A bar with no television. No constant playing of sports for the college wanks, no CNN (or Fox News) for the "I'm so important I have to constantly know what's going on" Hill-types who if they were that important would be on the Hill not at a bar... or have their drinks served to them in their schwanky Foxhall Tudor-style mansions. Just the chat of the patrons, the attentive-enough but not overly in-my-business bartender, the above-par bar food and the piped music create the mood. I think that Mr. Henry's on Pennsylvania in Capitol Hill might have to be my new local, even if it is in a different quadrant. The Columbia Heights local (Wonderland) requires too much attention to detail (read: Hipster and Suburban-hipster-wannabe clientele) to be truly enjoyable for both me, the sometimes-to-her-dismay-mistaken-for-a-hipster drinker, and my partner, the teetolar.

Of course, Wonderland is only three blocks away. And I hear weeknights are much less pretentious. Maybe I'll head over for just a bit... One beer of course. I swear I learned my lesson!

Aw, who am I kidding?! I'm not leaving the comfort of my house. And I'm most certainly not going to drink only ONE beer!

Cheers, ya'll.

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Jennipher and Ryan sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
First comes love
Then comes marriage
Then comes Ryan pushing...a pooper-scooper behind their lab Bear

Congrats Jenn and Ryan!!!!!

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Snarky McSnarkison

As soon as I checked my email this morning, I noticed someone had left a comment on my recent post, Pigfaced Little Twit.

It reads below:

Anonymous said:

Between your profile and your ranting, I'd suggest to your husband to run for the hills now...

Normally posts don't annoy me, but lately my friends and I have been discussing the idea of anonymous comment-leavers. So, here is another open letter:

To Whom it May Concern,

Who is this "anonymous" who keeps leaving snarky comments on people's blogs? Are you a yellow-bellied chicken who can't even own up to your beliefs? Are you Joe Klein? (Get it? Because he wrote Primary Colors as "Anonymous"? Oh, nevermind...) Are you someone I used to be friends with who is attempting a lovely passive-aggressive subterfuge? Did a bunch of people name their kids Anonymous and I'm just totally unaware of the trend? You know, like how people are naming their kids after cars? Like Audi, Jeep, and Infiniti?

Come out and own your comments, Anonymous! Trust me, it feels good to own what you say, even when people don't agree with it. You'll even sleep better at night.

Love,
Elizabeth

P.S. Is it my love of Jim Henson movies noted on my profile that gave me away as a crazy man-eater? Because if the Muppets taught me anything, it's to be an angry, hard, cold, and humorless person.

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Kittens with Boxing Gloves

First, I realized people had put my blog on the dcblogs.com index. Then I realized it was the 27th most popular link for that week! Now (it's too much, I know) they have featured one of my entries on their page for Thursday!

The name of the blog is called Kittens with Mittens, but a more appropriate name might be Kittens with Boxing Gloves. This blogger pummels a writer who suggests that it isn’t a good idea to marry a career woman. It starts: Everytime I begin to think that things are changing, that people are growing, that our society is more open, that sexism is slowly crawling towards death, I am slapped in the face with the harsh reality that our country, people, and many men suck.

Okay, to be totally honest, I might have emailed it to them because I was really happy with the posting (as per their suggestions). But no one held a gun to their head and forced them to feature it amongst the hundreds of postings in DC!

Or did I?

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Oh the fickle hand of fate...

I'm watching a Lifetime Television movie right now. At the time it was produced, Jenna von Oy and Mark-Paul Gosselar were probably the headlining actors. Two relative unknowns, Sarah Chalke (Scrubs) and Hillary Swank (two-time Oscar winner) also star in the film. Oh, how fickle Americans can be. One day we can't get enough of teenage comedy stars and the next we reject them for oh-so-serious drama turns and Zach Braff vehicles. I have decided to write an open letter in order to address this great tragedy:

Dear Jenna von Oy,

I know that you are still getting paid to act (well, unless when UPN and WB formed the sure-to-be 16-35 demographic boo-HE-moth CW, your show got cancelled), so this is not meant to say you aren't doing want you want to do for a living. You are a paid actor. That rocks, Six. Seriously.

Rather, I am writing to apologize for how quickly America's passionate love affair with you ended. You spent the formative years of your childhood playing the spunky sidekick to Nosem, I mean, Mayim Bialik in Blossom. You were the jewel of many a made-for-tv movie, including one where you had to wear only your underwear on camera, have sorority girls draw marker circles around your lady humps, and then were pushed off of a very tall building by the above psychotic byatches.

All I'm asking, Jenna, is try not to take your short lapse with fame to heart. Rest easy knowing that all of your work led up to that pinnacle death scene, so that Hillary Swank, who played your best friend, could cry for your death. This acting experience widened her range and allowed her to play both a former-boxer-suicidal-paraplegic and a tragic-murdered-Midwestern-transgender. Jenna, those Oscars are for you.

Sincerely,
A recovering Blossom fan

P.S. I'm also certain that you and Sarah Chalke totally traded comedic timing hints around the craft table and that's why she's so funny on Scrubs. Because she wasn't funny on Roseanne. Prettier than that other girl, but not so ha-ha.
P.S.S. I so love how you rocked hats and big flowers decades before that fashion poseur Sarah Jessica Parker.

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And the day ends on a high note...

Hurumph

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Pigfaced Little Twit...

Everytime I begin to think that things are changing, that people are growing, that our society is more open, that sexism is slowly crawling towards death, I am slapped in the face with the harsh reality that our country, people, and many men SUCK. First it was the election of Bush and now some "journalist" working for Forbes has written an editorial empirically claiming "Don't Marry Career Women."

I'm not even going to fully debate this Neanderthal because 1) I don't have time to argue against every single sentence of a 10 paragraph diatribe 2) you all know how I feel 3) even most people will see the blatant idiocy if this guy's arguments. Instead, I'll just pick out a couple of the gems, along with some pointed observations:

Quote 1:
Why? Because if many social scientists are to be believed, you run a higher risk of having a rocky marriage. While everyone knows that marriage can be stressful, recent studies have found professional women are more likely to get divorced, more likely to cheat and less likely to have children. And, if they do have kids, they are more likely to be unhappy about it. A recent study in Social Forces, a research journal, found that women--even those with a "feminist" outlook--are happier when their husband is the primary breadwinner.

What?! What?! I especially love how "less likely to have children" is thrown in there with other life negative moments, like cheating and divorce. You know, the fact that my womb hasn't produce any children is EXACTLY the same thing as me choosing to betray the trust of my partner or for the family I created with my partner to completely disintegrate before my eyes, often with financial, emotional, and physiological consequence. In fact, in the dictionary it says "not having children" is a synonym to "divorce."

My other favorite part in this paragraph is the quotations around the word "feminist." I'm confused? Did he do this because feminism is a "concept"? Or are some women only saying they are feminist? I'm not sure the point. I mean, certainly he's not trying to imply through punctuation that feminism is some sort of abstract idea that is so outside of the cultural norm that said normal people laugh when they use to term and ALWAYS use air quotes. For example:

Claire: who's that girl over there Bobby? The childless one?
Bobby: Oh, I used to date her but she came out with the truth that she was a career girl. I knew that meant we could never get married, so I ended it.
Claire: Oh, so you mean she's a (moves both sets of index and second fingers together in air in an up and down movement) "feminist".
Bobby: That's a good one. (echoing Claire's movements) A "feminist"! hahahahahahahahahaahahahahaha

Quote 2:
Why? Well, despite the fact that the link between work, women and divorce rates is complex and controversial, much of the reasoning is based on a lot of economic theory and a bit of common sense. In classic economics, a marriage is, at least in part, an exercise in labor specialization. Traditionally, men have tended to do "market" or paid work outside the home, and women have tended to do "nonmarket" or household work, including raising children. All of the work must get done by somebody, and this pairing, regardless of who is in the home and who is outside the home, accomplishes that goal. Nobel laureate Gary S. Becker argued that when the labor specialization in a marriage decreases--if, for example, both spouses have careers--the overall value of the marriage is lower for both partners because less of the total needed work is getting done, making life harder for both partners and divorce more likely. And, indeed, empirical studies have concluded just that.

I think that "classic economics" is the key point here. Perhaps if we as a society provided for children regardless of the marital/working/income status of the parents, women wouldn't be so torn between their career choice and their forced status as caregiver. Perhaps if we as a culture valued the "traditional" work of women more, shock, even paying them for it, they might be more satisfied as caregivers. Or maybe, I know this is radical, men could stay home and the women could have careers! Why is it just accepted that the balance is out of order because women go to work? Yes, it is hard when both people have careers. Yes, maybe there is a logic to the division of labor. But why is that men get to keep their careers and women end up with divorce and children they were told they are supposed to have? Men have been the "breadwinners" since the dawn of basic trade. It's our fucking turn! Here's your apron. Over there's the dishes. Don't forget to wear a smile! See, "classic economic" balance restored! Wasn't that easy?

Quote 3:
In 2004, John H. Johnson examined data from the Survey of Income and Program Participation and concluded that gender has a significant influence on the relationship between work hours and increases in the probability of divorce. Women's work hours consistently increase divorce, whereas increases in men's work hours often have no statistical effect. "I also find that the incidence in divorce is far higher in couples where both spouses are working than in couples where only one spouse is employed," Johnson says.

I love how if it's "statistical" people assume that means its some sort of absolute truth. There are so many other factors involved in a situation than revealed in studies like this. Does statistics take into account the fact that an increase in women's work hours consistently increases divorce because women are also expected to take care of the home. When women work more, men, who are accustomed to a power relationship where they are taken care of, cry like little babies. But, because women have for centuries been conditioned to accept the longer work hours of men (and since less men handle the cooking, cleaning, etc.) there is little changed in the relationship. Yes, the woman gets less attention, but she still has the same amount of work as before. Not so when wifey isn't home to wipe husband's lazy bum. Oh yeah and one final thing--when only one spouse is working, let's say the man, the wife becomes financially dependent upon her husband. This means that she is less likely to divorce her husband because of the inability to support herself or her children. See, statistic explained.

Quote 4:
The other reason a career can hurt a marriage will be obvious to anyone who has seen his or her mate run off with a co-worker: When your spouse works outside the home, chances increase that he or she will meet someone more likeable than you. "The work environment provides a host of potential partners," researcher Adrian J. Blow reported in The Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, "and individuals frequently find themselves spending a great deal of time with these individuals."

There's more: According to a wide-ranging review of the published literature, highly educated people are more likely to have had extramarital sex (those with graduate degrees are 1.75 times more likely to have cheated than those with high school diplomas.) Additionally, individuals who earn more than $30,000 a year are more likely to cheat.

Oh yippee!!! I was wrong--there is equality now! Women can run off with their younger, skinnier secretaries just like men have been for... well, ever. Oh and they can also get the same higher education once refused them, where amongst other things, they learn the sexual mores their male counterparts have been privy to all along.
See, things aren't that bad, girls. Who knew we had it so good?

Quote 5:
And if the cheating leads to divorce, you're really in trouble. Divorce has been positively correlated with higher rates of alcoholism, clinical depression and suicide. Other studies have associated divorce with increased rates of cancer, stroke, and sexually transmitted disease. Plus, divorce is financially devastating. According to one recent study on "Marriage and Divorce's Impact on Wealth," published in The Journal of Sociology, divorced people see their overall net worth drop an average of 77%.

The moral of this story? If you marry a girl like me, you'll end up a poor, drunk, suicidal vagrant with herpes. Husband, you'd better watch out.

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Minute Mystery

It's 7:30pm on Sunday night. I have no idea where my weekend went. Seriously. I feel like I did a lot...and when I list it all up--helped friend move, went to BBQ, dyed hair, talked to friend who had been traveling world for two months, talked to parents, talked to Grandpa, talked with another friend, cleaned kitchen, cleaned bathroom, put laundry away, updated planner, worked a little, ordered some academic journals, paid bills, read Star magazine, watched some telly--it sure seems like a lot.

I guess I judge my weekends successful by how LITTLE I do... When I have busy weekends and don't spend enough time lounging on the couch, I feel my weekend was wasted. Weekends are for pajamas, beer, and Netlix, not errands.

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What I listened to today... the Sequel

I've decided to make "what I listened to today" a regular feature. So, without further ado, what I listened to today:

Apple Blossom, De Stijl, The White Stripes
The Man Who Couldn't Cry, American Recordings, Johnny Cash
Everything is Everything, Alphabetical, Phoenix
Julie (Remix), Oh You're So Silent, Jens Lekman
The National Anthem, Kid A, Radiohead
Outlaw Song, Folklore, 16 Horsepower
Signal and Sign, A Certain Trigger, Maximo Park
Three Hopeful Thoughts, The Execution of All Things, Rilo Kiley
Little Bunny Foo Foo, Sara's Mix, Moldy Peaches
Capture the Flag, You Forgot It in the People, Broken Social Scene
I Love Life, We Love Life, Pulp
Aren't All Parades Free?, In Plain Song, Higher Burning Fire

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What I listened to today...

I used to be an album-only person, even with my iPod. I wanted to hear everything in the order it was put together. But... I have so much music now (around 150 gigs... 1100 or so albums) that I've started listening to my iPod on shuffle. This way I can get snippets of what's new and then go from there. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm not getting the full context of my music, the full experience as it was meant to be. Regardless, it makes the Metro ride shorter...

Anyhow, I thought I'd post what my iPod gave me today on my way to work and back. Some of it I like, some I need to take off old Sparkly. If iTunes has it, I've linked it up... Enjoy.

Cool, Ad Frank is the World's Best Ex-Boyfriend, Ad Frank
The Sidewinder Sleeps, Automatic for the People, R.E.M.
Don't You Know, Lovers, the Sleepy Jackson
Yesterday Never Tomorrows, Logic Will Break Your Heart, The Stills
Comrade's Twenty Sixth, When Your Heartstrings Break, Beulah
I Am a Sunflower, Breathing Tornados, Ben Lee
Untitled Track, In Plain Song, Higher Burning Fire
Back to the Old House, Louder Than Bombs, The Smiths
Can't Make a Sound, Figure 8, Elliot Smith
Anecdote, LP, Ambulance LTD
The Unthinkable is True, Set You Free, Chisel
The New Year, Transatlanticism, Death Cab for Cutie
Surface of the Sun, Retail Sampler, Richard Davies
Hiding All Away, Abattoir Blues, Nice Cave and the Bad Seeds
"Grounded", Wowee Zowee, Pavement
"Through the Swells", How I Learned to Write Backwards, the Aislers Set
"Cross Bones Style", Moon Pix, Cat Power
Films, The Pleasure Principle, Gary Numan
Drying Out, Rigging the Toplights, Pinetop Seven
"Woodgrain", Sad Sappy Sucker, Modest Mouse

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Ubiquitous Techno Remix

First go here.

Then here.

Or vice versa.
Whatever. Just do it. Oh, not safe for work. Seriously. Do three hail marys after listening.


This is courtetsy of my darling Erik. Mwa!

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One of those girls...

Those of my readers who were in grad school with me will probably remember me coining a certain term about the second-year students. The term was quite catty, but seemed appropriate for the class above us who were mostly administration and development museum people. Oh and Randy the hipster butt-crack. A different bag from collections and exhibition people, to say the least. Necessary for museums to stay open (and for me to get a paycheck), but different cats all the same. The term got around so much that I'm almost embaressed to admit this...but I have to get it off my chest.

I, too, have become a pointy-toe shoe. It's true. I have several pairs in my closet and several blisters on my toes to prove it. Sure, sure, I tend to wear my soft-sole white Minnetonkas and my grandpa sweaters more... but the point is that I've crossed a line into a world I can't come back from: fashion trends.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Run away, run away!

All kidding aside (can someone like me really say that with a straight face?!)...when I first moved from Missouri, I had a basic uniform of chunky glasses, short pixie hair, corduroys, cowboy shirts, and chuck taylors. Sometimes I'd mix in a jean skirt, overalls, or flip-flops if the weather was nice. Basically I wore Midwestern chic and nothing else. Even though DC is NOT a fashionable city by any means (seriously, are scrunchies required federal employee uniform wear?), but it was still more, ahem, "urban" than my "down-home" Arkansas-bred comfort clothes. I mean, time for the high school Widespread Panic concerts was over. Black Cat approved bans only for me now. I bought a nice wool coat (vintage, of course) to replace my Grandpa's chicken farm vests. And by Grandpa's, I don't mean style, but provenance. Somehow, someway (okay, it was at H&M) in the last three years I started buying feminine, multi-blend trend clothes. I also took out all of my all-the-way-up-my ear hoops and started wearing dangling earrings. DANGLING EARRINGS! Did you hear me? DANGLING EARRINGS! and POINTY TOE SHOES!!!!

FUCK!

Actually, I like it. Nothin' says D.C. gentrifying transplant like Midwestern chic mixed with pointy-toe shoes.

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PS.

Just to clarify, I'm certainly no Pollyanna. In fact, my bestest monkeyhead has dubbed me "Eliza-bitch" for my sometimes catty remarks about...well... anyone. But what I'm talking about is the complete disregard for someone's feelings. I mean, it's not like I actually ever went up to the nasty snatches at GWU who couldn't dress their body size and said "Nasty snatch, you need to dress your body size. Get a longer skirt." Of course not. Because one is funny among friends and the other is mean. Even if it is the truth.

Yes, I'm talking to you.

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"I'm just being honest!"

I am so tired of that excuse when people are assholes... Like Jeffrey on Project Runway... yes, I know, I'm ranting because of reality television. Whatever. And what's with that paranoia, by the way?!

Anyhow... I know I've written something along these lines before, but it still gets in my craw and won't stop driving me crazy. People who do this are treating honesty like it's some sort of absolute truth. They are giving their opinion, which is a judgmental, rude one. Whatever. Have that opinion. But don't hide behind "honesty" like it's some sort of badge of honor--I'm a stronger person than you, I say asshole things and hurt people's feelings because I'm honest. I exist at a higher level of self-awareness than you do. I have no regard for the fact that I am not the only person or only opinion in this world.

No! Fuck you. You just get pleasure and self-satisfaction out of being a jerk. And the thing that gets to me so much is that many of the people who use "I'm just being honest" or "I'm a bitch, what can I tell you?!" excuses are often liberal, progressive people who consider themselves open-minded, creative, and avant-garde. The one thing I have learned in my oh-so-many years on this earth is that liberal is not the same as open-minded. And that's a very important distinction to make... and no, open-minded about what chemicals you ingest is not what I'm talking about... Yes, I'm talking about you.

When the socially-open, supposedly caring people of my generation spend their time cutting other people down in the name of "honesty", it's no wonder everything's going further into the crapper. I don't expect us all to get along or to live in some naive peace utopia. But some basic human courtesy would certainly help things along. Especially when "liberals" are the people who are supposed to protect the rights of others during Bush's ushering of the New Dark Ages.

What?! I'm just being honest!

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Old Friends...

I just got home from a goodbye happy hour for a good friend moving to Maine this week... I got to see some old and dear friends from my time at NARA and it was really nice. Ate beef for the first time in a long time... The place was "Irish" and had little to no non-beef options, save the requisite "Chesapeake crabcake" on every menu down here. Sigh. We'll see how that goes over tomorrow morning...

Anyhow, I'm just really proud of my friend. She's leaving a good job, good money, and good friends to move in with the person that she loves. She feels all this pressure of modern feminism to choose career happiness (quote unquote artificial ideal of success) and I call bullshit. If family, partners (gay or straight) and love is more important to you than a high profile job, then that's great. The point of women's struggles was to create a world where women could CHOOSE how they shaped their lives. I have no problem with women who want to be stay-at-home moms as long as they are doing that because they WANT to, not because of some male-oriented, Christian ideal. Just as I think choosing to never have children (like myself...probably) is fine and dandy. My friend is one of the smartest women I know and very successful... but her heart is in Maine. And instead of following along with the new social pressures that discriminate against women who want love instead of prestige, she's going for what she wants...

And that's what a feminist looks like, bitches.

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Anybody?

I have the next two weeks to locate contact information for the Princess of Thailand and Nelson Mandela's Minster of Health.

Anybody?

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