Bowties=Innocent and Friendly

So, I'm all about putting things into context and understanding that a lot of people who perpetrate violence are often part of a longer cycle of violence that came before them... and I try to understand that much of the world is grey and not black and white and that if we want to help lessen the amount of violence towards women in our society, we can't just go around shouting at people.  BUT... I'm sorry, I'm going to shout this time and make strong, declarative statements:  Chris Brown, the fact that "no one taught [you] how to control [your] emotions and anger" doesn't excuse beating the absolute shit out of your girlfriend and then making the media rounds to apologize to your fan base.  And neither does wearing a friggin' bow tie and saying you don't "remember" it and it's "not who [you] are as a person."  'Cause you know what, I'm pretty sure your victim remembers it (and the other times you hit her but apparently you forgot all them about too), regardless of what you say and how many times it includes the word "sorry." 

Seriously, after all the victim-hate that went on (it's her fault, she deserved it, I'm sure she hit him first, blah blah blah blah), and the leaking of the victim's crime photos, and the lack of any jail-time, I am really pissed off.  If I had any of his records, I would get rid of them immediately.  But, I'm not so into crappy studio pop/hip hop, a.k.a., misogyny in musical form, so thankfully that's one thing I can cross of my massive to-do list.  Whew.  You know, it would be really nice if someone with this sort of public presence could admit that they are responsible for what happened and not pull the "what? I'm young, oops/it's not like me, most of the time/I'll never do it again since I finally got caught" crap.  The amount of change that he could affect by acknowledging what domestic violence is, how easily men in our society perpetrate it, and how damaging it is to the victim would mean a hell of a lot more to me than a nice-looking, albeit repentant, young man in a sharp tie giving a moving interview.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Music/08/31/chris.brown.interview/index.html

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Think You're an American? Drop Trou to Prove It!

So the "birthers" are, according to Jezebel, now wanting to see the President's penis in order to prove he was born in America. Cause, apparently whether or not he is circumcised proves he's an American, obviously... Um, yeah, there are honestly no words. Well, I did have a really inappropriate pun for the post's title to make fun of their cognitive dissonance when accusing Obama of being a Muslim (who are often circumcised), a Nazi, a "wild" uncircumcised African, a communist, and the Antichrist all at the same time, but it's a bit dirty and crass... read the rest if you want see it. Either way the "birthers" are still clearly operating in a totally different reality from mine... How do their brain's not explode with all the crap they put in there to justify their blatant race-mongering? Okay, are you ready for my delicious pun1? Here you go:

Cock-nitive Dissonance!

Get it?!?! eh, eh?!? It's good,right?!

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The Chronicles of Higher Education

Well, loyal readers, I have an announcement to make: I am rebooting my long-term life goals starting NOW! Actually, I've been slowing building inertia by doing some tiny bits of research and setting up meetings with old professors, but it's way more fun to make an exciting declarative statement, no? Anyhoo... What, you might be asking yourself, is this long-term life goal? Well, it's to become Elizabeth, Ph.D., Dr. Lizzy, Professor Betsy. That's right, to go BACK TO SCHOOL!!! Woooooooo!

Well, to be honest it's more than to "just" go back to school... ...it's to finally take the next step in doing the work I've always dreamed of doing, to help the public better understand our history and our society in order to better make informed decisions in our own lives. I currently work in museum exhibitions, which obviously meets this long-term goal, but although I've been able to research and write and comment on curatorial matters (even curated one traveling exhibition), I'm not a "curator." I'm not the lead intellectual voice. I'm not overseeing the development of a collection and working to make sure that it has the best artifacts, the most interesting materials, the best research to tell the most interesting (at least, to me) stories. In order to do this or to develop documentaries or write academic books or teach at a university, I need to go back and get my Ph.D. and further my training. I need to become a professional historian so that I can spend my time analyzing popular culture in a respected public forum, instead of doing it for shits and giggles, like I do now.

Now, this isn't a spur-of-the-moment sort of a thing... If you know me personally, you probably already know that I can't remember a time in my life where I didn't think I was going to go get my Ph.D. I've been saying it for years and years... but, I'm honestly really glad that I took the time to get my masters and work for a while, to be a professional figuring out what I'm good at, what skills I need to work on, what my passions truly are. When I applied to grad programs during college I had no idea what I was doing, I had no clue that I clearly had a common thread in all of my papers, and how to find the best place for those interests. I also certainly didn't know how to articulate what I wanted because I'd never had to do what I didn't like, out here, in the "real world." I'm an adult now and I make adult decisions, for myself and for others. I think the path I've taken is going to make me a stronger candidate and a better historian when all is said and done, so I'm happy with the path that I've made, even the choices made out of pure worry...

However, after thinking long and hard about the fact that I'm not really ready to face rejection and that, in the past, I've tended to go at things out of anxiety instead of out of resolve, I'm taking it really slow. I'm meeting with old professors, I'm researching schools, I'm retaking my GRE, I'm updating an old paper with some new research for my writing sample, I'm going to catch up on readings in the field and try to find out who I really want to work with and hopefully start a dialogue with them... and I'm going to give myself until next year's deadline to do this instead of this January. Sure, that means I wouldn't be starting this a program until Fall 2011, but it also means that I will be able to absorb and live everything I'm doing in order to be the strongest candidate I possibly can be. And that I'm making the best informed decision that anyone can make in a situation with so many unknowns. Sure, I can get applications in on time, but will they be reflective of what I want in life or will they be artifacts of my fretful need to get it done? I mean, I still have to decide if staying in DC is what I want, if working where I am is practical (much less the right thing for me), if I want to do a history program or a cinema studies program or an American studies program, or if I'm willing to go to the best programs for me even if they are in California or Texas or Michigan... I'm not going to lose all of the really hard work I've done to get healthy and to be an active participant in my own life just because I'm super excited for something to start. That's the old Elizabeth and, while I've lived a happy life in general, I haven't always lived a full one.

For once, when making a life-changing decision, I honestly think it's okay to be a bit cautious. Although, it seems I've always known what I wanted to be when I grew up, it just took me a little while to figure out who I wanted to be while doing it. I know myself well enough now to know the difference between feeling the need to get moving because of excitement versus taking action because of my mental illness. If I'm going to make it through 6 or 7 years of really difficult emotional, political, and intellectual work, only to spend the next 5 years shuffled from 1-year academic appointment to 1-year academic appointment, I'd better have damn well made sure it was worth it! 'Cause I think I've finally grown up enough to know that I'm worth getting what I want.

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Ah, American Ingenuity: Where Would We Be Without Ye?!

I have NEVER wished I could figure out the damn screen capture for mac so much in my life as when Alli-gator sent me this add for DOG SNUGGIES! What?!?!?

Please, for the sake of your own eternal happiness, click on this link!

UPDATED:
I snagged the picture for your enjoyment!

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Changing Your Language

This is a photo of my lovely home in LeDroit Park. It's quite cute, no? Little round window, quaint Victorian style, yellow. I mean, who doesn't want a yellow house?

But... for a while now, it's been a thorn in my side. A still not finished, unpacked, or Elizabeth-fied thorn. I know, I know, I should just shut up: I'm 28 and I own a house in DC, which was a great deal in my perfect neighborhood. I'm privileged enough enough to even be able to have a home, owned or rented or whatever. I get it--but try telling my OCD that. It's been screaming at me because things aren't organized, there are boxes on top of the dining room table instead of place settings, and I have no idea where my cameras have gone... My OCD brain has been saying over and over again that this is my worst nightmare, absolute chaos, supposed to be different!!! Gah!!! it says, loudly, all the time.

So...I've been anxious, naggy (the boy has done most of the repairs cause he's awesomely spatial like that), and on constant cognitive thinking overdrive. I mean, I've handled this better than I expected. I haven't set anything on fire or thrown unpacked dishes out in the trash just to get rid of them, for example. So when I went to therapy this weekend, anxious but feeling pretty okay with myself, and my therapist subsequently challenged me, I was not a happy camper:

Me: I mean, of course the house is still bothering me! It should have been done by now!

Her: Should? Hmm, well there aren't really any absolute time-tables. Things take as long as they take. It hasn't even been a year--some people take five!

Me (crossing my arms in defiance): Well, that's great for them... I personally can't live in chaos.

Her: Chaos? That's a strong word. I mean, it hasn't actually been chaos... You're functioning and going to work and living.

Me (getting more defensive): Well, it feels like chaos. It's been my worst nightmare.

Her: Oh my. I think I'm really going to have to challenge you on that. I'm sure you can imagine worse things, hell, even worse things related to the house.

Me (brain loudly whirring-ooo, I got her now!): Well, that might be true... But its certainly been my worst OCD nightmare!

Her (staring at me because we both know she's right): You are really using absolute language--no wonder it feels so large and unmanageable... The truth is THE HOUSE ISN'T HOW YOU WANT IT TO BE. No right or wrong or good or bad just not how you want it.

Me (feeling small and selfish and silly...): um, er, well that's true, I suppose... I mean, it's not NOT true.

Her (laughing): You know, you really have to use different words if you want your brain to think and respond differently... Try not to use the absolutes and see what happens, okay?

And you know what?! It's helping, the tiniest smidge... I mean, changing your entrenched brain patterns takes time, but it has worked to help ease a bit of the panic when the hair in the bathroom makes me worry about the baseboards and that makes me think about the window trim and then the light fixtures and then the cabinets and then... well, you get the idea. Cause if I just don't like it as opposed to it being a WARZONE, that's a lovely thought, no? I mean, I know that changing your thinking helps, I've been doing cognitive-behavioural therapy for eight years now and no longer re-collate my papers anymore or throw out books with wobbly underline... I guess the house is just my last anxiety holdout.

I know I'll always have good and bad days (I have OCD for Christ's sake, acceptance of this is kinda essential to long-term healing), but... maybe with a little rewriting, this'll all be okay...

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DC isn't the coolest city...

...but it's also not as lame as every single internet personality from NY (or at least Gawker) makes it out to be. Every now and then this subject gets in my craw and I google it and get angrier and angrier and angrier. I'm usually drunk when I do and also looking up ex-roommates to see how lame they are now (you know, to mask my own insecurities... sigh...but that's all beside the point!) Anyhow, take a look at the below posts, which aren't even about just how much cooler NY is than DC (which, duh, can you even compare the geographic area, the population density, the voting rights disparities?!), but also just about how uncool DC is. BTW, I think NY is awesome. I might even move there at some point in my life--who knows?! I try not to define myself by where I live, but by what I do while living there. Apparently, however, for a certain populace of NY this is not the case, and dissing the District is the "cool" thing to do now...

I'm not going to get into why I think DC is awesome (which I do), but I will say that if you notice, nearly EVERY single criticism of DC is about the transient, over-educated, white population of the city, that I also loathe... Comments like this really get my goat:

I used to live there... 90% of the DC population sucks ass. The only micro-sub-groups that are any fun are (1) self-loathing journalists and (2) World Bankers. Both cliques can drink the average Washingtonian under the table, but with the second category, you get bottle service.

I'm confused--you only like the over-educated yuppies, but hate the other 90%, which are who? How is it that so many of these comments are about how awful Georgetown is and how there's no music scene (read: indie, read: white), when %50 of DC's population is persons of color who are disproportionately poor? Did these people ever leave Metro Center? Did they ever actually talk to someone who grew up in the District, not the metro area?! These types of posts and comments are about "Washington," not the "District," you know what I mean? A lot of DC residents HATE this shit, too. Or else don't have access and time to waste on the stupid internets in the first place...they are too busy with tasty half-smokes, block parties, political activism (both good and of the Barry variety), jazz, and Go Go.

Anyhow, I'm tipsy and this is annoying me right now, for whatever reason. However, I'm going to go upstairs and go to sleep instead of continuing this useless rant...

Here are the posts, if you are interested...

http://gawker.com/284166/does-boston-actually-suck-more-than-dc
http://gawker.com/5153483/cheer-up-dc-will-never-be-cool
http://gawker.com/news/d%27c%27-sucks/why-we-avoid-dc-at-all-costs-283829.php

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Happy Tuesday

I was home sick last week and was miserable except for the Golden Girl marathons on Hallmark in the morning--I know, what a lame-O life I lead :). Here's a hilarious video of those sexy ladies dancing, remixed.



Thanks to: http://www.urlesque.com/2009/08/04/stuff-betty-white-people-like/

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Which Clinton?!

Is it totally telling of my feminist leanings that my first thought when I saw this post on CNN about an attempt to free the jailed Current TV journalists, was "They sent which Clinton? Why him and not the Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton?! Seriously, had to send the husband to take care of the big, bad hard job. Sigh"

Now, to be fair to everyone, I read further down and it was made clear to me that this was a private attempt to free the journalists and that boy Clinton was not acting as a government official, as girl Clinton would have been... So, I chilled my jets. A little...

Still, I can't help having a bit of a gut reaction, considering the power dynamic between men and women in general and Bill and Hillary in particular. You know what I mean?

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